


Darkest Days

by EnvelopesYou



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Angst, Cunnilingus, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Sex in a Car, Shooting, Shower Sex, Unplanned Pregnancy, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-28
Updated: 2015-06-08
Packaged: 2018-04-01 15:59:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 28,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4026046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnvelopesYou/pseuds/EnvelopesYou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of really really dark angsty fics that feature Danny and you, the reader. There's no pretending in this. It's purely for the purpose of encouraging angst and hurt and putting the pieces back together. Some of the tropiest, meanest things to do to a character will be done here just for the sake of Danny helping the reader get back on their feet. Feel loved. Protected. Rescued, when it's right. Not all stories work together, some do. Whatever feels right.<br/>Super enjoy it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Rain

**Author's Note:**

> This story features violence towards women, your character specifically, having just escaped a recent abusive outbreak in her relationship. "___" is a place to insert your name wherever it arises.

The rain was heavy and unforgiving, but at least it was cold, bringing out a little bit of the sting to your burning face. Washing away some of the still fresh blood drizzling out from the left side of your nose. It dampened your clothes, pressing up against large welts and purple bruises. But you were out- not necessarily free, but out. You’d ran. And ran and ran and ran until your legs wouldn’t carry you any longer and your lungs burned with heavy wheezing in and out. Damn him for living so far away. ...and the only person you could think to just run to. 

It was with a trembling hand that you reached up to knock on the door. And instead of slicking your hair back out of your face, you combed it forward a little, shaking your hand free when your arrived at the knots towards the bottom. Afraid your first weak knock might not have been enough you reached up again. Before actually connecting with your target, the door opened, dousing you in yellow, warm light from the inside.

“Oh- ___ hey, I didn’t-“ Danny was as cheerful as ever, always happy to see you. But the context of the situation slowly dawned on him. Very slowly. First, coming to him drenched in the rain didn’t imply anything good. Especially if you hadn’t called beforehand. But then as he stepped aside just a little to let the light really hit your face, he saw it all. “Holy shit- holy shit!” 

Before you could muster up whatever pathetic response that warranted- probably an ‘I’m sorry’ for about a million things, he had taken you by the arms and pulled you inside. At least out of the rain. Then his hands went to your shoulders before one took your face as gently as possible, tilting it up into the light. There was nothing more you could do, nothing in you after everything else, save wince and avert your eyes. Anywhere but his face. 

“Holy fuck, ___.” His tone drove downwards into a sharp and serious curve. Something he rarely ever wore. Only when it was necessary. “He did this? He put his hands on you?” You could feel the unbruised eye on your left welling up with tears, and on the right there was another slight of blinding pain as well as the same familiar sting of water at the lashline. “Jesus Christ- just- don’t move-“ Where Danny had started out strong he was fumbling now. 

But he stepped back to go into the bathroom. And you tried to take a moment to collect yourself. This was especially hard when Danny had, not months ago, told you this would happen. Well. Maybe not this. Danny would never wish harm on anyone. But it had taken a certain amount of guts for him to be truthful with you and say that your boyfriend was a piece of shit.  
Well.  
Ex now, wasn’t it? 

He had, though. He’d tried to sit down and talk to you- almost as seriously as this. And you had just blown him off. Now you’d.. almost come crawling back. A proverbial ‘you were right’. 

“___,” He was calling for you to come follow him into the living room, but before your body would take you, your hands went to your face. There was no hiding it after that. 

The soft shudders of sobbing tore at your chest first before blowing out through your fingers, clutching frantically at your bruised face as if that would really stop it. Or hide it. “God- Danny- I’m so sorry-“ 

You hadn’t realized how close he’d gotten until his arms were around you. Your hands left your face, pressing to his chest before taking his sweater in a tight hold. “You don’t have to be sorry- what the fuck are you sorry for?” His cursing was only due to his unraveling nerves. No doubt he felt the boil of his blood but no place to put it. Not yet, anyway. His arm stayed tight around you, his other hand moving up to card through your wet hair, brushing at your cheeks on every pass through. “Don’t be sorry.” 

“I didn’t listen-“ And if you had the both of you wouldn’t be in the hallway of his house. You wouldn’t be bloodied and bruised. You wouldn’t be crying. None of it should have happened. And for all of that you were sorry. 

“Shut up. God please- just shut the fuck up.” He attempted a shot at calm but his trembling chest gave it all away. Carefully his shaky hands came to both sides of your face, pulling you back so that he could get a good look at you. “You have nothing to be sorry for- don’t be sorry.” Trying to convince you- and then his eyes lowered a little, and his lips drew thin. “He’s going to be fucking sorry. I promise you.” 

It was extremely, extremely rare to hear Danny really promising violence to anyone. He just wasn’t that sort of guy. But the look in his eyes, and the darkness of his tone said it all. He cared for you too much to just let this be a clean up job. He was always the guy you could go to. And he was going to make sure this asshole knew what sins he’d committed. 

“C’mon...” His warm hands left your face, instead gingerly taking your hand to lead you into the living room finally. Even in your soaking wet clothes he motioned for you to sit on the couch, so you did. Then he knelt between your legs and your eyes again went anywhere but his face as he inspected the damage. As he tried to do his best to fix it. Make it just a little better. Stop the bleeding. But the longer it went on the worse he got.

His expression deepened into a mix of concentration and anger. Even though his mouth was closed you could see how tight his teeth were gnashed together through the line of his jaw. Then, without any reason for knowing, and without verbally asking, he nudged your soaked shirt up off your body. The recoil was immediate.

“Fuck- jesus- fuck- I can’t-“ The breath was stolen right out of him as he took in every hand shaped bruise on your arm. The splotches on your shoulders. The curls around your hips. He was stumbling for anything to say to make it right. To take it all back. To have tried a little harder to convince you to stay away from that asshole. But all that sprung to the surface was a bunch of expletives and a look of horror. “He’s dead.” Promising this, too, as he handed you one of his shirts to at least keep you covered and dry.

You worked it over your head, tears still leaking from both eyes, and clutched it tight to the bottom once your body was out of sight. Not that it mattered. He’d seen everything. And you’d let him. Because you knew... He climbed up and sat next to you, without thinking a second about it, put an arm around your shoulder and pulled you to him again. He hugged you tight, resting his head atop yours. “Danny-“ Trying so hard not to devolve into baseless weeping. But it was hard. Too hard for you. 

“I’m here.” Was his only response. This time calm and comforting instead of shuddering with the onset of panic and rage. “I’m fucking here, ___ and thank god you-“  
Came to me.  
Made it out of there at all.  
His hold became a little tighter. Almost possessive in his insistence. In his anxiety over what could have been. “Jesus christ...” Breathed out as two very slow words, trying to get a hold of himself. 

While it would have been nice to drift off in his arms, safe- for once, and warmly so, you couldn’t without asking. Despite the obviousness of what lengths Danny was willing to go, it was hard for you to just assume. “Can I..-“ But it was hard to even ask after making him go this far.

“Whatever it is. Yes. I don’t care.” Those three sentences shot out of his mouth as quick as he could make them go. “Stay tonight. Stay for fucking ever, I don’t give a shit.” His hand went back to your hair, careful at the base, the gentle tips of his fingers exploring the wet expanse. “Don’t go back, that’s all. Just please don’t fucking...” He wanted to keep you there, it seemed. Wanted to make sure you were alright. That he could keep an eye on you. 

All you could find yourself doing was dumbly nodding. Clutching him tighter. Closer. Feeling safer with every inch. Your head found a comfortable place in the crook of his neck, listening to him breathe. “Thank you.” Making sure that, despite your inherent need to mumble this, that it got out. 

He just found himself shaking his head. You couldn’t see it, the deep haunted expression that took him as he stared across to the other wall. Envisioning those hands on you. Thinking about it set his teeth to clenching, but he was careful in every other way. “I’m going to kill him.” He promised again, just around the edges of sleep overtaking you. It was hard when Danny was protecting you. When you fell out just slightly you realized he’d picked you up and taken you to his bedroom. Secured you under his big, thick blanket and turned the light off.  
He might not have been in the room with you- you weren’t sure.  
But it felt nice knowing he was close. That he cared.  
Loved you, even.  
That he was going to make sure everything was alright. Even if it meant...


	2. The Second Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clean up is in progress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a direct relating sequel to The Rain. Enjoy.

Your jolt back to reality in the early morning hours was a horrid one, full of visions of the night before. In your dreamscape hands had wrapped around your throat and when you sat back up with a wheeze and a whimper the dreams all but fled nearly immediately. Danny was standing in the doorway, looking half-shocked and half-nervous, cup of something in his hand. You scratched absently at the skin around your neck for a few moments and tried to settle your breathing a little. He came in closer and set the cup down on the bedside table.

“Tea. You should eat something, too.” His tone was careful and quiet, obviously having caught you in the end of a anxiety ridden nightmare and not wanting to tread dismissively. ...there was also just about everything else that the two of you probably should get around to talk about at some point.

Not a single part of you actually wanted what he was offering, not having the stomach for it, but you sat back against the headboard of his bed, bringing your knees up. Then you reached for the cup with still tense hands and took it into your lap. “...did you sleep?” If he had it hadn’t been in there, but a part of you had a feeling-

“No.” This was a little harder. It wasn’t hard to imagine that anger consumed someone who was so unused to displaying it or giving into it. You felt bad, doing that to him. Your fingers curled around the cup as he sat on the edge of the bed. “Look- you’re not going back.” This was a little more of the uncertain waters in his tone. He didn’t want to force you to do anything, but the options he’d no doubt been circling around all night had made themselves clear. “Okay?” Asked because you still weren’t looking at him. “Arin and I will go over and get your shit, but you’re not going back.” 

Your eyes closed tight and your legs pulled closer to your chest. “You told Arin?” There was very little space in which you had the right to demand Danny didn’t do things after what had happened. After he was the one you’d run to. Made take care of you. After he was right- and you should have listened- and then maybe none of this would have happened-

“Not yet.” But of course Danny hadn’t done anything but pace his own home the entire night working himself up into a tizzy. It would have been easy for him to get on the phone or even go to Arin’s to have someone to talk about this with. But instead he’d made himself sick with pent up anger and concern by bottling it up. So that he could get your permission first. “-I don’t know what to do, ___.” 

This struck you a little harder than perhaps he meant it to, and before you could cover for the tears suddenly leaking from your eyes, a hitched breath left you. Threatening to already break you so early in the day. You felt so hopeless. Helpless. Pathetic. And now you were making Danny’s life hard. 

He shifted over so that he could put his arm around you and you quickly took the offer to hide your face in his shoulder. “I don’t know what to fucking do.” He said again, if only for the emphasis. “All night- and just seeing you- all I wanna do is go over there and beat the shit out of him.” He was terribly angry. And with how little that happened to him, he had no idea what to do about it- where to put it. “But I think we all know I’m a lover, not a fighter.” This was the Danny you knew, trying to make jokes to fix the situation. 

...and also because he probably wasn’t wrong. And the last thing either of you needed was for him to lose it and then get his ass beat. Where would that leave anyone? 

He leaned his head down atop yours. His words were muffled against your hair. “You gotta tell me what to do.” This implied ‘what I can and can’t do’ as well. But the problem was you were struggling just as much as he was. You didn’t really have answers, and his presence was lulling you back to that safe space. Your eyes lowered. “...please at least don’t tell me you still fucking love this shitbag.” 

And then it all sort of snapped into place. 

The probing way he asked this, the lilt in the edge of his voice. Wanting to know not just to make sure you were safe. But because...  
Danny had always made it known that he was the guy you could go to. He was the one that cared. And he’d always been good for it. He’d always been the shoulder, the strong arms when you needed a hug. The home when you needed a safe space, and the voice of reason when you were being an idiot. And the more you thought about it, just how much of your life you’d spent with him and then looking the other way when he’d struggled for you- 

The tears came back and instead of hiding your shame in his shoulder you pulled away from him to use your hands to cover your face. The sobbing began and there was nothing you could do to hold it back. “No-“ You didn’t love the guy that had done this to you. And that realization should have come a long time before the breaking point that this moment was.

“Are you sure? I don’t feel like that’s the normal response-“ Bursting into tears, he meant. He sat back to give you the space you seemed to want, but his hand laid gently on your shoulder. Reminding you, as always, that he was still there. 

“Why are you doing this?” Each word passed through your lips tightly just to make sure it didn’t devolve into a nonsensical mess. 

“Huh?” But that sounded more like an accusal of something bad than what you really meant. “What the hell are you talking about?” And though he wasn’t mad, his nerves were getting the better of him. 

“I can’t-“ You passed the half-cooled cup of tea to him so that you could really take pathetic to a new level by hiding your still-stinging face against your knees. “I’m so much trouble. I’m loud and obnoxious and stupid but you’re always here.” Why? Why for you? Why waste so much of his time? 

“Oh- fucking- jesus christ, stop.” He sat full on the bed, legs stretched out, and pulled you down so that you could rest your head in his lap- knowing that you didn’t want to look at him, but that you both needed the reassurance of the contact at this point. His hand went to the base of your skull, fingers sliding in to your hair carefully. It served to soothe your antics, just a little, but you remained adamant about hiding your face in his newly offered legs. “You know why.” But this made you feel terrible. “-but we’re not talking about it until this is over and done with. And I’m talking about like a month- two months, even.” 

Because you needed time to heal. And this wasn’t his time to grease the wheels or whatever potentially problematic things would spring forth from a quick rebound into his arms. He wanted it to be real- needed it to be real- ...and wanted to make sure that you had everything you needed until then. Now was not the time to make it all go away with the promise of a relationship. You had hard work ahead of you. Fixing yourself. Building yourself back up. And you knew he’d be there. But he wasn’t ready to just throw himself at you when he knew it’d be too easy.

And that was the man he was. It was always the sort of guy he had been since as long as you knew him. You didn’t know really what to say to that. ‘I’m sorry’ would just earn him telling you to stop saying that. And ‘thank you’ didn’t quite clear the level of how deep your thanks actually was.

So instead you nodded wordlessly and some of the trembling of your breath subsided. 

“Good.” Was his only response back, and though it was quiet, it was strong. His hand patted the side of your head a few times. “I really need you to eat something. But- uh... unless you want fruity pebbles or dry toast, I have to go get it.” The absurdity that a man in his thirties still couldn’t properly go grocery shopping got a wet laugh from you. And above you you could hear the curve of his relieved smile that he’d accomplished that much in a light, but there, laugh of his own. “C’mon.” Giving your shoulder another small pat with the promise of good food after you managed to get yourself on your feet.


	3. The Third Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Make progress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This directly follows the past two chapters. And some familiar faces join the fight.

The rest of the morning went along to a tune that was hard for you to sing. Danny was trying his hardest not to overstep his boundaries, and while the both of you would have loved to fall back into old times, there was too much to ignore. Far, far too much. The breakfast you ended up getting was something quick, and he could sense your anxiety about being out enough to suggest it in the first place. And once back home- well... his home. Your temporary home- silent eating began. Then it was considerably less silent as he tried to walk his way around what the next options were.

The only real choice you had was to sit there and listen. After everything you’d put him through and how good he was being for you, ignoring or dismissing him would be just awful. But what he was suggesting... felt too fast. Though he’d said he was going to go get your stuff from your once-joined apartment with Arin, to get that far, he’d have to actually tell Arin what was up. And that was when he tried to convince you that the circle you kept would be there for you. Like he was. Support you. Make this easier. Get you through. 

He wanted you badly to call on them. To be able to call on them. Not just to go break into your apartment and get back your belongings, but because there were going to be times that he wasn’t always available while you were still busy getting back on your feet. Realistically, anyway. It’s not like either of you wanted a space too much apart.  
They’re your friends, he reminded you. A few times as you ate your fast food junk breakfast and sipped at the small plastic bottle that had your orange juice. They’ll understand. They’ll help. 

And so, eventually, you nodded and mumbled an ‘okay’ around the rim of your drink. What choice did you have? That was how you and he, hand in hand, met them at an open cafe. You were sure you wouldn’t feel a safe in a place where your now-ex could walk by, but coming upon the table they were all sitting at you felt... strangely relieved.

Especially as a few of them got to their feet. Suzy was the first to put her arms around you. “Oh my god!” A few more of those as she held you and rocked you a little.

“What a fucking scumbag.”  
“I can’t believe this.” 

Suzy pulled you to sit down next to her, Danny on your other. Barry, Arin and Mark were the other three faces greeting you with either smiles of pity or frowns of remorse. It tickled your nerves in a way you didn’t want, but there was nothing to be done about it. 

“Did you report this guy?” Mark was the first to ask, and when you shook your head he seemed dissatisfied. “You should. Soon.” 

Danny’s hand came onto the top of your thigh from under the table and without thinking about it you reached to hold it in a tight grip. Every flight response was ringing bells in your head. It was hard to look a single one of them in the eye while they spoke amongst themselves about what to do.

“I’m gonna get her stuff back. Today.” Danny said. 

“We’ll come with, man.” Arin offered, and Barry nodded in agreement. 

“Good. I was hoping you’d say that.” Because no matter how much his anger had pushed his bravado, the fact was that Danny knew he’d need the help. 

This was going well. And Danny was right. It was good- it felt good to have the support of the people you called close to you. With Danny taking the lead, too, it was easier. But all good things had to come to an end for you. Nothing could ever stay good forever. 

“___!” The voice of the man who had laid his hands on you rung clear through the plaza, sending a tenseness into your back, and your welts and bruises aflame. 

On instinct, knowing that tone and what it held for you, your hand shoved Danny’s off and you stood. You held your own hands tightly in front of you as you moved away from the table. Despite everything you’d just learned, or witnessed, about them wanting to help- especially Danny- 

He came up in a cloud of rage, hands balled tight at his sides. “Where did you go? Where the hell have you been? If you think you can just run off in the middle of the night after-“ The stares from the table you’d just been sitting at stopped him dead. He peered over your shoulder to look at them all individually. People he’d never personally met. Only in passing. Then his hand came down hard on your shoulder. “We’re going home. Now.” 

“You put your hands on her again and it’ll be the last thing you ever fucking do.” Danny was using a tone you had never ever heard him speak in in your entire life. It was low and threatening and full of the promise to push him further. 

“Stay out of it.” He said before his eyes went back to you. Then his hand slipped down to your arm, right around a familiar printed bruise that your loaned shirt was currently hiding. One of his favorite places. Then he pulled you hard. 

“Stop! Let go of me!” Because you couldn’t just be a silent force in this. If you wanted freedom you had to act. So you pulled back and that was when you heard the scrapes of the chairs behind you on the floor. 

The group had stood and it was enough of a quick and threatening gesture to get him to at least stop pulling you. “Mind your own fucking business.” Then he scoffed with a sneer that showed his teeth. “The pasty geek squad is gonna teach me a lesson? I doubt it.” 

Danny stepped forward, followed by Mark, already puffed out. “You wanna find out you huge shit pile?” Mark’s voice dipped low. 

“Get the fuck out of here.” Danny was up to bat next and he stood directly by your side, jaw clenched, eying him down. 

Your ex considered the situation for a mere few seconds before shoving your arm away. You kept your balance and struggled not to hide behind the boys. Suzy came up behind you, taking your hand in a kind and calm manner. “Oh just fucking keep her. She’s a fucking waste of space anyway. Not worth all this garbage.” Then he turned almost a little dramatically and stormed off.

It wasn’t like you didn’t know better. That he was lashing out and saying anything for the sake of making a hit land. But after everything you couldn’t help but agree with him. Your eyes fell to the pavement. “Yeah- keep fucking walking.” Danny was positively jittering with adrenaline. Then when your ex was finally gone and out of sight his shoulders dropped. “Holy shit! Phew. Good. Good start.” He smiled, but you were too fixed staring at the ground to see it. “Thanks.”

“No problem man. Fuck that guy.” Arin seemed like he was ready for this to be over. 

“___?” Suzy was the one to ask as everyone turned to regard you. The tears were coming back. Not in front of them. Not in front of...

You shrugged out of her grip and stepped away from them. “I just- have to use the bathroom-“ Your voice was shaking but it was the best you could do, and you turned away quickly and went into the shop to shut yourself in the small bathroom. The others looked after you, all frowning to themselves. Once inside you bent over the sink, turning the cold water on but it wasn’t long before that that you devolved into baseless crying. 

It must have taken entirely too long, because soon there was a knock. “___..” Danny was calling from the other side. When you didn’t answer he opened the door, stepping into the small space and locking it for safety. Then his arms came around you. “Hey- come on- you did so good-“ Trying to praise your efforts of standing up. Taking the first step. Even if they were with you. 

You couldn’t turn to face him, pressing at your eyes softly, still bent over. “So stupid. This is all so stupid. And I can’t-“ Coming out after all that. Facing the people who had just stood up for you. You’d involved them all. And it felt terrible. 

“It’s okay. It’s okay...” He tried to gingerly turn your shoulders and you didn’t have enough will to fight him. Once you were facing him you put your face to his chest and your arms around his middle. It made you feel pathetic. ...but safe, at the same time. “I’ll tell them you need some more time. They’ll understand.” His hands came down, one on the top of your head and the other sliding down the back of your hair a few times. “He’s still out- so the guys and I can go to your place and get back your stuff and you can wait at home.” 

He made the same mistake you’d thought about earlier.  
Home. As if it was yours, too. Like you belonged there. 

“You’re okay, ___. The worst part is over.” Still trying to encourage you to a normal breathing pattern. To stop crying. He curved into a real hug, and close to your ear, “I’m here.” The same words that made you feel so much better last night, in much the same manner. And they worked again.

Danny was there. 

“The worst part is over- you did so good.” Still trying to make sure you knew that he was proud of you. 

You nodded, meekly, and just as much, “Thank you.” Holding him tightly.  
For everything. And... for the things he hadn’t even done yet, too.


	4. The Fourth Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving on is hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Graphic, steamy sex ahead!

Time had a way of moving at an infuriating pace. Slow and dull- and, you had been reminded, it was because you needed it to go fast. Because you were rushing. Lying, saying you were fine, and not really giving yourself a chance to heal. Not just physically, but mentally. It got frustrating not only hearing that, but looking at the people who were staring back at you with sorrow. Wishing you better. Wishing you’d let yourself get there. It was too hard. Smiling and pretending like every day was easier was... well. Easier. And facing what had happened was too hard to own up. 

But in Danny’s house, in the safe space he’d provided, and the arms he’d opened up- you owed it to at the very least him. So you really tried. Took his advice, sat quietly in the living room, listened to music. Took time to be by yourself for long periods. Walked slowly and appreciated the clean air and the warm weather. Even sometimes that wasn’t very helpful, and the reason was waiting back at the place you now called home. When it wasn’t your home. It was his. You only had your stuff moved in and-

After the second week, you’d told Danny to stop sleeping on the couch. Embarrassed that he was losing sleep on an admittedly comfortable bed just for you. No, you’d told him, you’d take the couch. So you’d tried the switch after getting him to agree. ...and then a couple of nights after that you’d sort of just crawled into bed with him. And after that there was no going back. There was nothing unsavory about it. The two of you were merely and very simply enjoying each other’s comfort. You trusted him like no other, and he’d never put that tie to shame. 

Even when, a whole month later, you wished that he would. But you knew not to push it. He had been extremely serious about not jumping into anything that would discredit both of you. So you continued to try for him. And for yourself. Because he’d made you see that you were worth it, too. And you were glad that he had. 

But it was the way that things had become between the two of you that was perhaps the most frustrating. Though he was happy and giggly like his old self, he still seemed to be scared to be at one-hundred percent capacity. And you missed that. Terribly. When would the time come when you both stepped back onto equal ground? When he didn’t worry so much about a small but hard nudge to your arm or messing up your hair or joking around with you in ways that made the internet mad during Grump sessions otherwise? 

The time, you decided, finally came when he interrupted your shower. A knock came first, followed by him placing fresh towel on the counter. “You need anything else?” 

You could just barely see him leaning against the sink counter through the curtain. “For things to go back to normal.” 

A sigh escaped him. “I’ve said-“ He was about to tell you to give yourself even more time. Relax. Let it come.

And you were tired of hearing that. Especially because that’s not what you meant. “Between us.” Remedied quickly. 

He was quiet for a moment, considering it. Thinking about whether or not things were ‘normal’. “Are you sure?” Finally settling on that with a giggle and a little slide of his shoulders. “I might ask you if I can come in there and see you naked if that’s the case.” Another chuckle left him, this one of the stilted kind. Feeling just the slightest bit awkward for saying such a thing. 

Ah. There it was. The Dan you knew.  
For the first time since things had gone so south you grinned to yourself, glad you were hidden by the curtain. This was supposedly normal, and it was. He’d hit on you more times than you could count, but it had all been playful. Because you had either seemed uninterested or you were taken, and Danny was not a jerk. Even if he pretended sometimes- which he was good at. But to think you could take it to a new normal.  
Something you’d been waiting for... but apparently not as long as he had.

“So ask.” You tried to sound smooth enough to convince him. But just about every part of you was filled with a sudden jolt. 

“Uh-“ This caught him completely off guard. Because if this was the old normal you’d have told him off, but with a smile, knowing he meant no harm. “Shit- are you being serious?” His brain couldn’t seem to catch up to the fact that the girl he’d been waiting for for so long had just invited him to step into the shower with her. “Really?” 

It was almost too hard to contain your laughter, pressing your hand to your mouth once to try and iron out the wide smile on your lips before you spoke again. “Are you going to ask or not?”

“Please can I get in the shower with you. Please- god- can I?” The words rushed out of his mouth as if he was living one of his more vivid fantasies. As far as his life went this certainly couldn’t have been on par with being asked into a threesome or orgy party, but he was acting as if it were the single greatest thing that had ever happened to him.

And that was part of his charm. As far as you were ever regarded around him, you were special. One-of-a-kind, and he didn’t have to struggle to put that feeling into you. He adored you, and that was just the way it was. So getting the chance to get into the shower with you? “Yes.” Your giggle betrayed you before you could stop it. 

But it seemed not to matter as just about all of his clothes were flung onto the floor. After that he grasped the edge of the shower curtain tightly, waiting a few seconds, maybe thinking about this. If it was a good idea. If he should. If maybe you were moving too fast and he should-

Nah.  
Nah... 

He edged the plastic back and with one long swing of his lithe leg he put himself up in, and pushed back against the tile. Then he reached over your head to adjust the shower spout so that it evenly distributed over both of you- well. If you’d get closer. But your confidence had all but melted and you could feel the deepening red on your face. 

Danny was there.  
Right next to you. Inches away. Naked. So very, very naked.  
As were you but that seemed like something less you should be concerned with. 

“-this was a bad idea, wasn’t it?” Asking hesitantly because most likely he really didn’t want to get out but he would if you needed him to. But did you? Better yet, did you want him to?

Swallowing back your hesitancy you turned your back on the spout so that you could face him. Your eyes went to his- instead of anywhere on his fully open body, ready for you to take him all in. His eyes met yours once before he couldn’t help himself. They dipped low. Taking in every curve, every inch. If your blush had started out pink it was definitely red now. 

He reached out with both hands but put them to your face instead of anywhere else he might have been able, and he drew your attention back. “Fuck-“ This seemed like an appropriate Danny-ism, despite the gesture it was being matched with. But it got a good laugh out of you, which eased some of the tension, and he smiled a little, too. “You know when you imagine something a lot and then you actually get to see the real thing and it is like nowhere near even fucking close to the sweet good god thing you end up with?” 

His flattery was going a little far, but with the way he was bumbling around his words, there was nothing but sincerity. You tilted your face closer into the palm of his left hand as he held you and very slowly inched your hand up his chest. “How many times?” Honestly. Just how many? 

“Uh. That’s a bit incriminating.” His dazed smile at finally getting to see you naked, and close in the wet shower nonetheless, faded into something a little more devilish. 

“I bet.” Too many times for him to be even bothered to count- and less so to say. Just enough to let you know that it was probably around a thousand. And that he was a horny bastard. 

But the playfulness came to a sudden halt, the look in his eyes changed and the smile faded completely. “___,” Your name came out of his mouth with a tinge of genuine concern. “...are you sure this is alright?” 

Because after what was supposed to be time spent healing you were basically doing exactly what he had asked you not to. Jumping into something with him- and with the way this felt like it was headed, it was going to be something very serious. 

“I want this.” But that was your resolve. You did. You wanted him. “-I deserve this.” And you did. For all the nights you spent with that asshole who had dared put his hands on you, who had tried to make you feel like nothing- you deserved someone who really loved you. Who really wanted you. Who took care of you and wanted nothing more than your happiness. 

The smile came back, but it was curved a little more than regular. “You deserve some Sexbang, little lady? Is that what I’m hearing?” The seriousness of this statement, or the pretending around it, was completely broken by his giggling immediately after saying it. 

Even though you followed suit, you managed to look him right in the eyes and say, “Yes please, Mr. Sexbang. Show me what you’ve got.” 

His lips came to yours bare seconds after, aided with a step up on your tip-toes and a curve of his spine in. Then you threw caution to the wind and put your arms around his neck and pressed yourself to his bare body. This drew a breathy noise between the two of you from him, and when his hands slid down your wet back and settled on your hips with a tug closer you mimicked it unknowingly. The part between your lips was enough to invite him in further, and soon his tongue met yours and encouraged yet another half-groan from the back of your throat as your body started to light aflame. 

He lingered in it for just a few more moments before pulling back and pressing you to the half-cold tile. He then kissed a trail from your jaw to your neck, drawing even more hitched breaths and promises of something louder, especially when his teeth grazed your skin the first time. Your hands dug into his wet hair just as he really bit down into your neck, a soft sooth of his tongue afterwards and the sound that left your mouth was lush and languid. “You’re vocal,” He was already breathing hard as he spoke against your skin. “I knew it.” 

The heady warmth in which he said this made your toes curl a little. But despite his obvious interest in dragging more noises out of you, you couldn’t help but ask, “Should I not...?” There was no really controlling it after it went too far, after you couldn’t think about it any longer. But if he didn’t- 

“No. God no.” Mumbled as he bent down, hands still hugging your hips as he went to one knee, kissing just above your navel. “I wanna hear you.” Your hands pushed back the bangs falling against his eyes as his lips ran lower still, you kept the water from invading his face and tilted your head back instead to let it hit you fully. 

His fingers slid along your slit and you eased one leg to the side for him without thinking. Then he leaned in, lips dragging down against you before the tip of his tongue slowly moved over your clit. The breath out of your mouth then was wordless, but noise all the same. And when he did it again, sliding one finger up inside you, “Danny-“ His name fell from your lips, low and trembling as he pulled a quiver from you. 

“Fuck,” It came out of his mouth in a hiss, warm against you as he leaned his stubbly cheek against your thigh. You were clouding his mind and lulling his movements as he simply watched you roll your hips into what then became two fingers, trying to get him to go deeper. He looked up from his spot crouched on the shower floor. “___,” Your name nothing more than a mere whisper.

But it got you to open your eyes and look back down at him, despite the heaving of your chest. His eyes were warm and deep and the look on his face was nothing more than wanton. It felt almost cruel how you were turning every part of him on and barely doing anything to accomplish such a thing. But it worked equally well on you, locking eyes with him, your mouth half open, watching his lips just barely glide against the skin of your inner thigh. “Oh-“ Your eyes rolled back again as he thrust his fingers up inside your body as deep as he could get them. “Danny-“ His name became something you couldn’t let go of. 

And just when you were sure you were going to lose it you tugged on his hair harder- but up. You wanted him up. So he slowed the in-and-out motions of his fingers as he stood back up, teasing his lips up the entire way along your body. “What? What??” This was playful, even in its breathy murkiness as he asked. His lips touched yours again and it was a long while before you could speak, his mouth and fingers controlling every last part of you. 

“Mm-“ You practically swallowed the noises he was making, too, as the both of you passed them back and forth. And when he pulled away, “Come on- can you-“ The logistics of something like this were far beyond you, but his height and the angle were going to make it too difficult. 

“I can but I can’t guarantee I won’t fucking drop you.” His teeth pulled at your lower lip after he said this, almost pleadingly. “Are you sure?” Because now that the idea was in his head, the way his tone lilted forward, there was nothing he wanted more. But he didn’t fully trust himself, either. 

“Yes. Fuck-“ His fingers pulled out of you and he pressed you hard against the shower wall. Both hands curved against your hips, even harder still and you tried to set back a little to help him. In one move it was over, he had you up and you put your legs around his waist. 

After that it was a few awkward shuffles as he tried to keep you balanced and find the spot at the same time. Your arms kept around his neck tight and soon the bumbling around paid off. You felt his cock against you, and only had a short time for that before he moved his hips forward and thrust inside of you completely. Deeply. Drawing out a long moan from your lips. Something he almost kept for himself as his head came down, kissing you just as deeply. 

The rhythm was rough, about all either of you could afford after all that, but you loved every moment of it. Every slam back in, and how little he had to move away. He was close to you. You breathed him in, and when you couldn’t keep the kiss up any longer, your head moved to his shoulder. Needy, desperate and unrecognizable sounds came out of your mouth every time his cock slid back in. And he all but encouraged them with every move. The entirety of the situation dawned on you physically, you could feel the hotness in every part of you. How every time you drew him in deeper, you were growing tighter around him. 

“Danny-“ Slightly pitched as you lazily raised your head back, taking his lips. Whatever he moaned back to you, deep and sinuous, was lost between the both of you. “Oh god- Danny-“ Completely taken over the edge with one hard push against the wall and the next rough entry inside of you. Your breathing left in small spasms, and you dragged him down with you.

There was a choked noise in the back of his throat, as the movements of his hips became a little more uneven, and his arms grew shakier. You could feel him coming inside of you, something else that made you shudder lightly as you felt a slight dizziness come on. “___-“ The sudden urgency in his voice almost didn’t make sense until you felt the very real tremble in his arms and you uncurled your legs from his waist as he slid out of you, to settle them shakily on the shower floor. After that you mostly used the wall to stay up. 

He busied himself after the high by putting his lips anywhere on your body he could reach, almost in a half-trance as he did so. You let him, not minding, enjoying the small flurries and sparks he elicited still as the moment quietly receded. There were no real words for you, nothing worth saying, and certainly nothing worth stopping him for. 

But soon he found himself back in order, and when his lips pulled away from your neck, over your jaw, and to yours once more in something simple and sweet and pulled away completely. His eyes caught yours, and you looked at each other through the steam that had accumulated in the room. And whatever you thought he might say about what had become of your relationship, or where it was headed, or what you’d just done- “If this is the new normal, I’m totally happy with it.” that seemed mischievously far removed what you were expecting.

...and yet it was probably just right. “Don’t be a- a-“ Your brain was a little bit still mushy, and that was very bad. 

His laughter was none too contagious this time, since it was mostly entirely directed at your expense. “Oh? What’s that? Did I fuck you so hard you can’t think?” Proud of himself. Too proud. So damnably proud, with that little smirk on his lips. He leaned in again, close and still warm. “You asked for Sexbang, it’s not my fault you can’t handle-“ 

“Oh shut up, will you?” But as you said this you were smiling. Really, though, if you didn’t stop him he’d throw his own parade for a while. His little laugh was sealed against your lips as the two of you shared a kiss that was nothing but gentle. 

He was right, too.  
This new normal was something you could handle. And something you very much looked forward to living every day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so we conclude "The Rain". Unless I decide to come back, this is where this story ends. But there will be more angst and picking back up the pieces to come. If you have any particular slight you'd like the character to have to deal with or go through don't be scared to leave a comment or PM! I would be more than happy to write it.


	5. Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heroics cost someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sky begins a new tale of pain. I'm sorry but not sorry at the same time. Enjoy.

The atmosphere in the convention center was muggy and uncomfortable. People squished up against one another regardless of waiting in lines or the maximum capacity being reached. About a thousand different conversations rang in and out of your ears at different intervals. The food was bad, the swag was bad, and the panels were atrocious. There would have been nothing more your grumpy self would have liked to do than go home. But you were currently attached to a pseudo-famous group- and worse yet, you sort of had to stay mostly out of the way.

It was for your protection more than theirs. It wasn’t that you couldn’t handle the reddits or the rumors or whatever it was that would come out of an official announcement or pictures of you hanging by Danny’s side... well. Maybe you couldn’t handle it a little. Or more like you didn’t want to deal with it. Which was most of the reason you stayed along the sides. It was easier for everyone involved, and it wasn’t like you were Danny’s dirty little secret. He’d said if you wanted to be involved that you could, but that felt like too much work and too much of another adjustment period you’d both have to go through. It really just wasn’t worth the effort.

Finally the day was starting to head to a close. Their meet and greets were over and the guests were all starting to file out to go home or to their hotels to wait for another day to arrive. When the crowds thinned you felt more confident in hanging around the gang, and the one person you’d come with specifically.

“Oh hey baby.” Danny looked all too happy to see you, a little stretch in his tone at the nickname. His arms came around your hips and pulled you close. “Ready for some sush?” The after-con plans.

And, yes, you were very ready. “Starving.”

But, while you had him.. and after waiting so long.. you felt like you deserved a little something extra. So, you put your arms around his neck and leaned up to capture his lips with yours. A pleased hum of air left him as his hands wound a little tighter around you just to keep you steady. It didn’t last too long, just enough to send a few pleasant thrums up and down your body. When he broke away he was smiling. “Missed me that much?” And, of course, had to toot his own horn just a little.

Your fingers moved over to flick some of the straggling bangs away from his eyes. “So what?” Yes, you had. Tooling around the convention center with nothing in mind and no one to spend the day with was probably not the funnest of experiences. All the more so when you had Sexbang on the brain. And nowhere to put that.

He enveloped you completely in a hug, a little more tightly than was necessary. But you loved every second of it and crushed him right back. “Me too, actually. I was thinking a lot about-“ The dip in his tone, not just because he was close enough to not have to speak at normal volume, was recognizable. He was thinking about probably the same thing.

There was no room to finish the thought though, silenced by the deafening screams of a few people down the south corridor. Sometimes this was normal fare for a con but the crack of a gunshot afterwards sent you both straining to look where it was coming from. Security at cons was at an all time high and had been for such a long time. Even prop weapons that looked too menacing often got confiscated-  
This couldn’t be real.

But a slender guy in a long black coat barreled his way through tons of bodies running in the opposite direction. Danny quickly grabbed your hand and tugged you to take off but both of you were put in your place, “Stop!” He’d gotten too close and all of a sudden you felt glued to your spot. Unable to move even as Danny grabbed you hard. The man came closer, slicking his finger back along the hammer of his weapon. “YOU.” Then the gun was aimed.

Quickly and without thought Danny put himself in between the two of you- which was a poor idea. “What- man? Come on- don’t do anything stupid-“ Struggling to find a way out of this situation, now that he was presented with no other options. Danny’s hands came up in a gesture of surrender. “Don’t do anything-“ About to repeat himself before the guy screamed again.

“This is all your FUCKING. FAULT.” That was about as much information as he seemed to want to give.

You saw the squeeze of the trigger, felt the rigidness of Danny’s body as he still covered you. The sound of the second bullet discharging from the barrel of the gun was like thunder. He was shooting almost at point blank range-

Yet somehow.  
Somehow you had just enough time to shift in front while the fist in the back of Danny’s shirt pulled him as roughly as you could manage. The momentum was barely anything, but just enough to switch the space of the target. You felt the bullet go in- pierce the skin and then bumped back against Danny’s chest on uneasy legs before they completely went out from underneath you and you sunk to the floor.

There was a constant running monologue then-  
_I’ve been shot- it hit me- **it hit me- it hit me-**_  
Like rushing water stuck in your ears that you couldn’t make stop. You couldn’t stop thinking those words. You’d been shot. But you could barely feel it. Strange. So very strange. You were sure it had hit you. You’d felt it-

But the only new sensation you realized was the gush of warm pooling blood leaving the hole in your chest and sticking against your skin. And the next shift came in your perception of time. One moment your eyes were closed and the threat was still there, making your gesture completely useless. The next Danny was cradling your body against his, arm around you, practically screaming down at you.

“Fuck- come on fucking fuck, ___!” When the blur in your vision cleared enough to see the tight lines of his face, the grit of his teeth, the whites of his eyes-

“I’m- I think I’m- okay-“ Because you couldn’t feel it, right? So maybe it didn’t hit anything serious. You didn’t realize how fast you were breathing, or the fact that your hand was probing the hole that was now pumping blood with every beat of your heart.

“You’re not fucking okay! Fuck! Why- why did you fucking-“ He couldn’t seem to make the words come out as fast as he was thinking them. His hand came down over yours, at first just to keep it still, but he pressed with a heaviness that really finally hurt you.

The sting was like a long creeping strike that radiated from your chest all the way down your spine. Then your lips opened and your eyes rolled back and you cried out. It hurt.  
It was more than anything you’d ever felt in your life. And with your bloody hands you reached up to grasp at anything that you could reach, only finding solace in the free hand Danny was offering you. He still wouldn’t let up with the other one. Pressing harder and harder. Why? Why was he doing that? “Danny- Danny- I-“ There was a metallic build up in your mouth, a gurgle from your lungs that you couldn’t control as you felt like you were choking on a warm fluid that had suddenly filled you up.

And when you coughed next a few spatters of blood flew from your lips to paint across one of his cheeks. His eyes went wide. “Don’t talk- fucking- jesus christ- fuck- fuck-!” Panic took hold of every part of him. “Just look at me, ___. Just fucking keep your eyes- look at me-“ He tried to urge you, a few wet hitches of breath keeping him from completing any thoughts that tried to fly out of his mouth.

You tried to do as he asked, eyes halfway open, taking in the sight of his suddenly red stained face and the trails of tears streaking down and obscuring the blood- your blood- “Danny-“ Instead of pain then, fear overtook you.

“It’s okay- it’s fucking- jesus chri- someone’s coming- please just fucking-“ Unable to finish anything he started. He pulled you closer, half hugging you. His face came close to yours, both your eyes locked as you desperately tried to stay for him. His forehead pressed against yours. “I love you- ___- please just fucking- stay- don’t-“

His words become muffled and then soon drowned out by static crackling in the back of your brain. His mouth was moving but you couldn’t hear anything he was saying. “Dan-“ Even though you knew you forced his name to the surface, you couldn’t even hear yourself. What embraced you next was a pleasant warmth. While he’d asked you to stay with him, it was too hard, and the tug of gentle soothing sleep pulled you down under consciousness deep enough to drown you.

Everything faded.  
And though you were too lost to hear him, Danny had begun screaming wildly as your body went limp in his arms.


	6. Second Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cleanup crew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why leave you in the lurch about how terrible this is for him? I just couldn't do that.

“Hey- HEY- HEY-!!” The word kept trickling out of Danny’s lips as your head rolled back completely, eyes closing as you could no longer keep yourself afloat. It was gentle. Peaceful, even. But what you were leaving behind was most definitely not. “Come on! Don’t fucking do this! ___!” Your name came out of him a couple more times after that, each time more broken than the last. Shaking you yielded no results- not at first, but he felt a little flame of hope when a breath pulled in past your lungs- and then wheezed slowly out of your unconscious mouth. Then that hope was smothered out under heel.

“Move!” The paramedics had finally made their way and they practically shoved Danny aside, putting your body on the ground flat and took scope of the damage.

“I think- I think she- her lungs-“ Danny was quivering and just barely holding it together, clenching and unclenching his hands at his side unconsciously as he hovered.

“Her lung is collapsing. Give me the-“ The two women talked amongst themselves. They were quick and efficient, and Danny nearly paled too far when they pulled up your shirt to bust into the side of your ribs to relieve some of the pressure building up.

A couple of strong hands took his, he barely had even noticed the rest of the gang standing there. He was too transfixed watching the medics work on your unresponsive body. “We’ve gotta go.” And those were the last three words spoken between the two before they loaded your body up onto the stretcher they’d brought. “You.” Trying to get Danny’s attention. “You’re her boyfriend?” When he nodded dumbly, “We need you. Come on.”

That was all it took to get his feet moving out from under him as he followed the two outside to the ambulance. He just barely made it in the back as they started assaulting him with questions about you the moment the doors closed.

Blood type.  
Allergies.  
Preferred hospital. Medication she was on- the list just rolled and rolled and his answers, when he could, became nothing short of panicked gurgles. One of the women in the back reached out to take hold of his arm. “Breathe. What’s your name?”

“I can- Danny. It’s Danny.” Though he was answering his eyes were completely on your seemingly lifeless body. Watching as the other medic slid an IV into your wrist.

“My name’s Michelle. Listen, it’s gonna be alright, okay? Take a breath. You’re doing good.” Trying to calm him down. She handed him a cloth from one of the shelves. “Here, wipe your face. Keep breathing.” The fact was she couldn’t do her job if he spiraled into a full on attack and the look on his face said he might have been heading that way.

But he went a little numb, still watching them work. He simply did as she asked him to do, wiping your blood off his face and sitting back against the doors. The ride didn’t last long. And once they were at the front entrance he watched helplessly as they carted you off again and he was left at the desk. The nurse handed him a clipboard with a concerned look. “Fill out anything you can, okay? It’s okay if you can’t fill out all of it.” Talking in circles to make sure he got it all. Again he nodded dumbly and walked over to a chair, collapsing into it once he was close enough.

His eyes kept watch on the ER doors you’d disappeared through. He couldn’t write anything. Couldn’t concentrate. A white film touched over his awareness of everything.

 _It’s all my fault._  
_If she fucking dies_ -

Those were the last scattered thoughts in his head before the hand holding the pen came up to his forehead and he closed his eyes tight, his teeth grinding against each other as he tried to hold back the hot tears that overtook him eventually. The clipboard clattered to the ground with the pen as he curled into himself, uncaring of the stares sent in his direction as he quietly cried to himself. Alone in the waiting room. The feeling of loss didn’t come close. It was something else. Something damning.  
Knowing that it was his fault.  
Playing the moment over and over. Watching the pain shoot across your scared face. Listening to your wails- terror. You had been scared.

Semi-relief in his grief didn’t come for another hour at the very least, not that he had any hold of time after dissolving into a puddle of tears. Arin’s hand grasped at his shoulder and it was only seconds after that he grabbed Danny into a hug that the other could only half reciprocate.

“Fuck Arin- what am- what am I gonna do- if she- she-“ Still struggling to breathe through his weeping. He had no idea. He had no earthly idea what he would do if someone walked out of that room from the other direction and said his carelessness had led to your death.

“Just breathe, man. Come on. Don’t think like that.” He tried to keep calm himself but the reality of the situation was harrowing. “Let’s go fucking ... get some coffee or something, okay?” Anything to get him out of that waiting room.

Danny just nodded, not knowing what else to say or do. Before leaving he bent down to pick up the half-finished clipboard, full of more wet tears than answers. But before dropping it off he furiously scribbled his phone number on the side. “If she- if-“ He still couldn’t control both his words or his breathing.

The nurse simply nodded. “I’ll call. It’s alright. Go ahead.”

He was only able to mouth ‘thank you’ before Arin’s arm went across his back and he was ushered out. Coffee was no solace. They ended up sitting in the hospital cafeteria for hours. No conversation was had. Arin tried a few times to start but Danny wasn’t listening.  
He wasn’t anywhere.  
He simply sat at the table staring off into space with an empty look on his face. His fingers slid compulsively over his phone’s lock screen again and again without him realizing it. All Arin could do was sit there and watch Danny unravel piece by slow piece.


	7. Third Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Relief.

Before anything else, before you felt or could see or had the chance to realize what was happening- you heard something. A soft snoring you had become very acquainted with over the past couple of years. Calm. Even breathing. And the little buzz accompanied in the back of his throat. It was just soothing enough for you to finally get the courage to open your eyes. White, pristine ceiling filled the space above you as you blinked slowly a few times just to clear all the fuzz out of your vision. 

“Danny?” Your voice was scratchy and just as unsure sounding. Finally you turned your head, seeing the metal frames of the bed holding you before you actually could zero in on his face.

He was propped up in a chair against the wall, hands folded in his lap, head leaned back, and legs spread out in front of him. Asleep. But the second your voice registered he groaned once before sitting up fast. Then he scrambled up on his shaky legs to get to your bedside. His smile filled your vision. Tired but so very relieved. “Hey, good morning baby girl. Welcome back.” The backs of his fingers gently traced down the side of your face. 

Your situation didn’t really settle in for a long few moments. You were content to let Danny take you in, to watch him- and then it was like his face contorted into a horror that you only vaguely remembered. His face over you, crying, stained with blood. You jerked forward with a gulp of air, a few machines around you shrieked with the effort.

“Hey- hey- shh- calm down- it’s okay-“ He tried to ease you back to reality instead of the fever dream you were remembering. Both of his hands went to your shoulders and you forced yourself to take a few breaths, eyes closed tightly. You were scared to look at him. You didn’t want to see him like that again. 

You reached up, feeling the tug of something sharp resting inside your wrist as you did and pressed at what you were now remembering was a hole in your chest. Instead you felt the sheer linen of a hospital gown and the gauze wrapped tightly underneath that. It was just about all you could do before Danny took your hands in his to still you. “Danny-“ Uneven and shaky as everything settled in finally. 

The kid with the gun. Getting shot. Sliding slowly into what felt like shock. Danny crying for you. Then it was all gone. And now you were here. 

“It’s okay.” He slid the bar down on his side of the bed so that he could sit on its edge and take you in his arms. “I’m right here, ___. It’s okay. You’re okay.” There was a tight tinge at the edge of his voice, something that felt like ‘and thank god for that’. Like he hadn’t been sure until just now. 

Everything overwhelmed you, though, and soon you had collapsed into quiet crying against him, holding him tightly with both your hands fisted in his shirt. He murmured things encouragingly and sweetly against your hair, half-whisper sung songs to you until you calmed down from your high. When it was all over you weren’t really sure why you’d even done it, or why it had come on so suddenly. All you could really put together was that you were really glad Danny was waiting there for you. ...for what probably had been a couple of days. 

And then you went back to feeling terrible. But at least in a less threatening way. “How long have you been sitting there?” Asked as you were dragging your hands across your eyes to clear the tears. 

He sat back but didn’t leave his spot directly next to you. “That is completely unimportant information.” The way he said this made you think it must have been too long a time. 

You turned to look at him, finally really taking him all in. This time there was no weird ghost memories, thankfully. Instead you really registered his face, and reached up to trace your fingers along the line of his jaw. “Your stubble suggests at least.. four days.” His beard was threatening to come in. 

The smile he wore after that made you feel so much better, even when in his eyes all that shone was the relief of you even being there at all- and the shadows under them suggesting how little he’d slept. His hand took yours away from his face, sliding his fingers in between the gaps of yours. “Well I will have you know I went home and took a shower at least once.” 

This got a soft laugh out of you, something that widened his smile. “Is that because they kicked you out?” 

“No.” Said quickly. Then, guiltily, “Yeah. Yeah it is.” The happy expression disappeared from his face and he reached up to take your cheek in the palm of his free hand. “I’m really fucking glad...” Whatever he wanted to say got blocked up by one of those watery hitches. “Because- for a moment there-“ He was completely unable to finish this. Even though you knew what he was getting at. 

You reached up for him again to take him in a hug that he reciprocated tightly, laying his head against your shoulder. “Me too.” Glad that you were alive, and that he was there. 

“Don’t ever fucking do that again.” Mumbled into your hospital gown. 

There were a lot of ways you could have responded. You could have told him that you would, of course. Because he was worth it. Or that you didn’t regret it. Or you could even joke about it. 

But the way he was clinging to you, the still slight tremor in his voice... what hell you had to have put him through while he waited for news and sat by your bedside from sun up to sun down watching you, making sure someone was there for you. Making sure you were okay... 

You just clutched to him a little tighter and said nothing at all. Not even sorry would really justify it- because you weren’t sorry. Not really. Sorry that he’d been put through hell, but not sorry that you’d tried to save his life. Instead you settled on a quiet whisper of, “I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” Gently back to you as he still refused to let you go. Refused after so long watching you slip in between the realm of life and death and was completely unable to do anything to help you. -over something he still considered, and probably always would, his fault. “Good god, I love you.” Said a little stronger that time, leaning back only to press a kiss to your forehead. “Try to take it easy, alright? You’ll probably have to be here for a while still.” Settling back at your side, taking your hand once again as if he couldn’t subsist without touching some part of you after that nightmare. 

You considered the look on his face before answering. “You should probably go home and get some real sleep.” Reaching up yet again to trace his stubbly jaw. Unable to really help yourself. 

“What are you talking about? I’ll have you know, that chair in the corner is comfy as fuck.” He allowed himself a small laugh at the end of saying that completely sarcastic statement, if only because it brightened you up as well. 

Scooting over as much as you could, you tugged him to lie down with you. And he did, without any qualms about it, putting his arm around you so you could snuggle up to him. “The nurses will probably kick you out again for this.”

“ _Woorrth iiit_.” Said in a sing-song tone of voice. Like he’d obtained some victory just by being able to be there with you- well. A sort-of conscious you. 

Nothing else passed between the two of you. Danny slipped back asleep quicker than you imagined was possible, most likely an easier task now that he knew you were alright. You weren’t too far after him, trading off listening to the sounds of the machines in your room to his deep breathing- and then that familiar light snoring all over again.


	8. Fourth Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's all about the music.

Danny was able to go home that evening with the promise of being back in the morning to see you. Both of you felt better- though his relief was particularly more resounding, seeing as you were unconscious for most of the terrible stuff that had happened. But going to sleep in an unfamiliar sterile place with machines around and people passing by your doorway every few minutes was a harder task than you initially thought possible.

**> You ok?**

Your phone had been left on your bedside table, the vibration drawing your attention. Of course it was from Danny. While you’d convinced yourself to let him sleep the events off finally and not reach out to him, there he was doing it right back.

**> Yeah. Go to bed stupid**

The urge to keep him with you through the night was strong, but he deserved some sleep after everything else. Your text back was quick and succinct. Hopefully he’d leave it at that.

**> Jeez okay miss fussy pants**

And then a quick second after,  
**> Love you <3**

There wasn’t properly enough time for you to smile about this, or even respond back similarly. A coiling pain buried itself deep in the wound of your chest and you set your phone down in your lap to push at it. Which only ended up making it worse. You’d experienced similar flare ups throughout the day, but now that Danny wasn’t around to distract you, it hit you full on. For a threatening second, you thought about texting him about it. But it couldn’t have been serious. Just after-surgery inflammation or something. Not that you really knew.

**> Love you too <3**

You forced this text out quick just so that he’d be able to go to sleep. You’d concerned him enough with your wellbeing. Fighting through it was the best option- at least so you thought. For the first hour you toughed it out pretty well. ...but after that, it became too much to handle.

The night passed and when Danny came back the next morning, he had a bouquet of mixed flowers to accompany him. Just something to brighten up your room for the few days that you were still stuck there. But before he could pass the reception desk up to you the nurse stopped him.

“Uh- she might be a little loopy. Don’t take anything she says personally.”

This was enough of a statement to concern him immediately. “Why?”

“The drugs were wearing off sometime last night and she said she was in too much pain. So we gave her a higher dosage of morphine. And well...” That stuff had a tendency to make people pretty ridiculous.

The only thing he could really manage to do with this information was frown before nodding and taking the left turn down the hall to your room. He actually stood in the doorway for a much longer time than you could possibly have a handle on, but eventually you reached both hands out to him. “Are those- for- are those for me?” Grinning like an idiot at the mixed colors he was holding, all of them popped in different variations. Catching your eyes enough that you couldn’t even concentrate on the feeling of relief that he brought with him simply being there.

So he handed them off to you and you slid your fingers down each petal and stem, enjoying the soft velvet feeling. “So, they gave you the good stuff, huh?”

His voice floated in through one ear and resonated deep inside your brain, making a nest that you realized was empty- had been empty all night not having had it. You loved his voice. “These are so great.” Then you buried your face in the bouquet without a second thought.

Despite the situation he actually managed a small laugh at the sight of you making an idiot out of yourself. But eventually he had to pull the flowers away from your face and sit on the edge of the bed with you. Then his hands traced your face, brushing the stray yellow bits of pollen that had marred your skin. “Glad you like them.” He laid the flowers on the bedside table to keep them away from your reaching fingers.

So instead you traced your hands up the fabric of his shirt, stopping and starting a few seconds before reaching up to touch his hair. This he stopped almost immediately, simply taking your hands with him and holding them. “Will you sing to me?”

“Uh- what?” Like that had been the last thing he was expecting you to ask.

So you snuggled up to his side. “Sing for me please.” As if you had every right to demand this of him. “Your voice is like- like um- ..warm sticky uh- butter and- covers. Silk. Right?” The words got half jumbled every other time and the sound of his rumbling giggle close to your ears soothed your soul.

“Okay they need to take you off the drugs, I think.” He allowed you to lay back against him, his arm around you, and with his other hand he ran his fingers through your hair. “What do you want me to sing to you?”

“Hmm muhmmm...” The noise was a long string out of your mouth, half marred by the fact that some of it was something akin to affectionate purring. Every time his fingers stroked down the side of your face after a long run through your hair you felt the wiggly little trembles of excited nerves.

The sound from his throat was a quiet hum, and whatever words he was putting to it didn’t really matter to you. Half because you could just barely make them out amongst the much more pleasant colorful notes he played them with. His voice was a powerful instrument, even when he was giving you some soft lullaby. As he continued you held your hands out in front of you and he followed suit. Your tired eyes watched his fingers glide along the backs of your hands and up along your arms, something that, once finished, was entirely too funny not for you to laugh at. And soon you dragged him down with you and his singing was intruded by giggles he just couldn’t keep to himself.

Eventually he settled both your antics with his arms loosely kept around your shoulders and his head resting atop yours. His singing had stopped a long while ago, instead fading into distant humming and then that too vanished. “You gotta tell me about this kinda stuff, ___.” It felt like this statement came out of nowhere and really pushed a funny sensation in the pit of your stomach.

“No.” This you had decided on without the help of drugs.

“No? Why no?” He was only half serious, but to you it sounded a lot more.

“I made you sad enough already.”

This sounded like it could have come out of the mouth of a toddler with how ridiculously simple a concept it was. But there didn’t feel like a better way to phrase it to your addled and sluggish brain. You’d hurt him enough already. And he didn’t need to tell you how he’d wasted away over waiting for you, over holding your bloody body when it had all gone down, all of that- he didn’t need to say anything for you to know how much it had torn him apart.

His arms came tighter around you. “It’s worth being sad to be there for you.” Each word was careful as he said it. For a moment, the same state of your emotionally worn mentality blended together, though they were from different perspectives. Different reasons. But without the ability to mentally hold it together, the inhibitions torn from you, your hands came up to clutch at his arms as your head dipped forward and out of nowhere you started crying. Just to know that you had put him through that- and that he was still willing, it was too much for you to handle. “When I thought you were gone something inside of me broke a little- and it is worth so much more to be upset about you not feeling well than to ever relive that again. No amount of fuck-it adjustment, no shaking hands with death and doing things the way I want, none of that shit is ever gonna fix what I felt.”

The words that you had promised yourself you weren’t going to say bubbled from you in a blubbery mess. “I’m sorry Danny.” Your hands moved past his arms to cover your face, even if he was sitting behind you and couldn’t see. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m-“

“It’s okay.” He murmured against your hair, holding you carefully. “But you gotta let me help you clean this up. You gotta let me be there for you.”

The night before you’d thought shutting him out of it was entirely more fair. To not make him suffer when he’d already been through the sleepless nights and the worry. It had felt easier and kinder to him to keep him out of it so that he could have just a little bit of solace in a good night. But now he was forcing you to realize that that was far worse. Because all his work and all his fighting for you had earned him the right to be there, and not just to come back to a sheltered mess.

You just found yourself nodding over and over again, sniffling through your hands. “Okay. ..Okay.” Promising a few times.

“Good.” This was a little stricter, as if he was going to make sure he held you to it. He probably would, too. And have to remind you once the drugs wore off. “Now come on, stop with this,” Moving away a little so that he could take your face in his hands and wipe the tears away. “You can’t eat jello while you’re crying and I hear this place has some slammin’ cherry jello.” The absurdity of this got a good smile out of you which encouraged him. “The lime? Eh. But the cherry, man! I’ve heard some banging things about the cherry jello.”

Your arms came up around his neck and you practically fell into a deep hug against him. Something loving might have been appropriate here but all you could manage now was to think about jello. “What if I don’t like it?”

“Hey man, fuck, that’s just more jello for me. So.” He laughed after saying this, unable to help himself, and it infected you enough to start you up into the same cycle. “Dry your eyes, baby girl,” He started singing. “Because this banging cherry jello is about to rock your motherfucking world!” This, too, stole your breath away in the form of absurd laughter that you just couldn’t stop.

It took you on a better high and forced him to come with you, the sight of you losing your shit over some stupid jello song just too much for him to handle.


	9. Fifth Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new beginning is the same as an end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sky ends here, but please enjoy how it does with a very dirty, sexually charged last chapter! Thanks for enjoying!

The jello song formed a life of its own over your stay at the hospital. You and Danny evolved lyrics for it, once you got over your drug-induced embarrassment, and not only sung it back and forth to each other but texted it to each other at night before going to bed. ...even when it turned out that the jello was simply standard. Nothing over the top or special about it. Looking forward to him coming into your room with that song and a cup of jello was how you spent most of your mornings, and he showed up every day without fail. It sped up your recovery time- or at least, it helped tremendously, and your mind wasn’t focused so much on how much time you were stuck there when Danny was by your side. 

That was how you found yourself signing your discharge papers one afternoon, quite ready to go home. You were humming that ridiculous song to yourself, scratching signatures and dates over the clipboard sitting on your lap. Danny was waiting still, wheelchair in hand. Though you hardly wanted to sit in it to be wheeled out, they’d told you there was no way around it. But there was so much good to look forward to. Everyone was ready to see you. A welcome back party was in order.

...and you’d finally be able to lie in bed with Danny without being hooked up to machines and in a much bigger, more comfortable bed. You’d be free, and you could finally put all this behind you. And that was what spurred on the happy jello-notes from your lips as you sang to yourself and quickened the pace on your scritch-scratching of the pen. Then after that you stood up from the bed, grabbed your bag and... sat yourself down in the chair with a heavy sigh.

“C’mon, it’s only to the entrance. Then we can go anywhere you’d like.” Danny seemed keen to keep your spirits up, after all it had been pretty hard to pull them back there after what had happened. And he himself was doing much better too, so letting you lull back would have repercussions for himself as well. He wheeled you away down the hall, dropped the clipboard off for you, bid his favorite nurse farewell, and then took you to the big sliding doors up front. 

Once you were outside and he’d come to a stop you stood, stretching every muscle in your body that you could. A deep line from your legs to your hips, up your spine, and then a raise of your arms over your head. The fresh air was nice. The dying sun casting pinks and purples along the skyline was even better. Much better than you ever saw from your room window. 

Danny came up to you, arms enveloping you and you kept up on the tips of your toes to be aligned with him. It didn’t take much more encouragement than that to press your lips against his, and keep it chaste between you for all of three seconds before your hand strayed up to his hair and your tongue met his. Whether it was the grip at the back of his head or the much deeper kiss that pulled such a satisfied groan from him, the feeling of getting back in control was an intoxicating one. 

When he broke back, “Where would the lady like to go?” Tone dropping into a confident curl.

“Home. I want to go home.” With him. Where you belonged. And where there was a bed he could take you to that wasn’t in public view. And was big enough to keep the two of you fully. ...and where he could fuck you. 

His hand took yours in a half-sprint down the parking lot and towards his car, the onset of very much being on the same wavelength and needing to get it on hitting him fully. Once inside he woke the engine up and pulled out of the lot with as much speed as the limit would allow. Once on the highway down a long and mostly quiet rode, you leaned over to his side, running your hand over the length of his thigh, dipping on the inside and then up to cup him. His hands gripped the steering wheel tightly while his eyes went half-lidded and he drew a breath in. “Very dangerous, little girl.” Though he was warning you he didn’t sound like he really meant it. 

“Should I stop?” The palm of your hand massaged him in slow circles, and it took mere seconds to feel the thick hardness of his cock press back. You leaned over the console in the center to brush your lips over the shell of his ear. 

“Aah- fuck- no-“ Unable to deny you after so long. Especially while you were working him so well. “Wait- fuck-“ One of his hands drifted down to yours and gripped with a severity that was both apologetic and frustrated. When you leaned back he looked at you. “We can’t go home.” 

In your rush to get him inside you, both of you had forgotten that everyone was waiting. The small welcome party they were just dying to throw you. Had you been less needy you’d have been totally receptive to it. But now, knowing upon entry you both would be stopped in your tracks for hours, you felt it nothing more than a nuisance. 

“Can you find somewhere else?” Trying to keep a whine out of your voice was hard enough. Especially when he smirked. 

“Want it that bad?” He took the exit that would bring you home, but went down the wrong road. 

Desperate not to let him get the upper hand you leaned back into him. “ _Yes_.” Breathed out hotly against his skin. And, although you were admitting he was right, turning him on was the best way to do it.

Making his brain fog over to the point where all he could do was give you exactly what you wanted. “Fuck, god damn, ___.” The cover of night was not quite there yet, though it was rapidly getting darker. He pulled down a one-way almost abandoned road, near the edge of the woods by a park down the other side of the street. 

It was empty.  
Secluded. 

And the second the car was put into park and turned off he slid his seat all the way back as far as it would go and that was enough incentive for you to crawl from your side to his and plant yourself firmly in his lap. Both your arms went over the back of his chair as you dragged your lips lazily to his, more focused on the rounds of your hips against his. The feel of his hands as they curved over your backside to pull you harder into each grind. 

It didn’t take very long to devolve into hard moves of both your hips, you could feel his cock against you with every one. Just how bad he wanted it, how bad you needed it. How wet you’d already gotten. How on fire your body felt. “This isn’t gonna do it.” Murmured against his lips while still half-engaged in the same kiss that had started it. 

“You think?” Sarcastically shot back before he pushed open his car door. “Out.” When you only managed a half-murky look of confusion he took your face in both his hands and kissed you hard. Then pulled you away and tilted his lips to your ear. “I need more space. I need to fuck you. Hard. God I wanna fuck you- we need to get in back. So move.” This sent shivers straight down your spine. The heated way he was darkly ordering you around. 

So you tried to move your legs up and away, stumbling out of his side of the car. Then he got out and bent back in to adjust his seat and yours all the way up. In your impatience you reached to open the back door but he just couldn’t let you, his hands taking your hips hard and turning you around against the car, practically slamming you back against it. Grinding himself against you a few more times while kissing every bare inch of skin you had showing. Dragging his teeth in what quick became hard red lines. “Danny-“ Unable to help your half hitched breath as you pulled at his hair. 

Then he pulled you up just enough to get the handle of the door underneath his hand. “ **In**.” His eyes stared yours down as he commanded you, sending a different type of trill through you. So you edged your way into the back seat and he wasn’t too far behind. The space was small, but accommodating enough for you to sit half up against the car door with your legs splayed out.

His body covered yours and already his hands were pushing up your shirt, lips capturing the peak of one breast with a soft suckle while his other hand cupped and squeezed, oh so very careful of the bandages still wrapped around your midsection. It drove you into a crazed frenzy, hands in his hair, pushing, trying to direct him. He didn’t waste a lot of time after pulling a few hard moans from you. His hands trailed to your jeans, unbuttoning and unzippering with a mad speed before picking your hips up without asking and sliding your pants halfway down. 

Your eyes rolled completely back with a half intake of warm air as two of his fingers slid up inside of you. “Fuck, you’re so wet.” Murmured into the side of your neck as he started a slow and merciless rhythm of fingering you hard. “This is what I wanted. This is what I was thinking of.”

That day that everything got so messed up. But you were blissfully too far gone to even think about the ramifications of what he was saying. Making up for lost time was just as good. “God, Danny,” His other hand took the side of your face and silenced your wordy moans with another entangled kiss, his tongue pressing and twining against yours. When you could breathe again there was only thing you wanted to ask of him. “Fuck me.” Said hard as your hands were working free his belt and taking hold of his hard cock once you edged his pants down far enough. 

“Fuck-“ A slight hiss as you worked him just as he had you. Just enough time for you to raise your knee up to get one leg out of your pants. Enough to position yourself. “Yes-“ Groaned from his mouth to yours, still half together in another lazy kiss. 

Then his hand grabbed yours away and then took your hips roughly once more. It only took one thrust for him to hit home, cock gliding deep inside your body. Your head hit back against the door, lips parted completely. “Oh god,” Breathing hard as he started a ruthless beat in and out of your body. Fucking you hard. And as quick as he could get himself to move. Your arms lazily hung over his shoulders but kept him close, the presses of your lips constant, but more moaning and panting passed between you than anything else. “Oh god, Danny..” 

“___,” Feeling the curve of his lips against yours as he formed your name. Once, and then again, and then several more times, each one with every move of his cock inside your body. “God- fuck-“ 

His teeth found another trail down along the line of your jaw before burying into the side of your neck as he kept on moving. “Danny- oh...” Pulling at him harder. “I’m gonna-“ You could feel it. Him driving your body mad. You couldn’t take it for much longer. 

“Come for me, ___.” Whispered almost shakily as his hands dug into your bare hips to pull you deeper down each time. 

“Danny-!” Cried out in a breath of air, trying to pull him closer to you, letting him work your entire body, taking you down as you clutched and tightened, moving your hips against his to get the very last out, unable to stop yourself from moving with him. 

“Fuck- ___-“ A guttural groan of your name as he thrust inward a few more times before absolutely losing it. His movements became a little more jarring, hard and off pace as he spilled into you. Just a few more times after and then he stopped completely, laying over you with shaky arms, face buried in your shoulder. 

The two of you stayed like that for a long while, almost tempted to drift off to sleep with him like that. In your arms. Out of that hospital. The glow was pleasing and hard to fight. Night had fallen some time ago. But if you didn’t make it home there was no telling what hell that would unleash with everyone else. The the tips of two of your fingers you pushed back some of his sweat soaked bangs from his eyes and forehead. “Danny...” A soft song in your tone as you called to him. 

“Mm... I love it when you say my name.” That he was up to joking was a good start. At the very least he wasn’t passed out on top of you. He leaned up, working his mouth over your neck and to your chin and taking hold of your lips for a quiet but deep kiss that you reciprocated without a second thought. Then when he moved back and pulled out of you at the same time, a very displeased noise left your throat and the same smirk that had gotten you into trouble started up again. “Don’t worry baby, we can go for round two once everyone is gone.”

Yes.  
In your bed instead of in the back of a cramped car. It sounded very nice.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” Chiding him in a teasing way, mirroring the smirk on his lips.

“Ouch. So cold.” He righted his clothing and tried to comb back his hair into something a little more respectable than obvious-post-sex-mane. While he did you followed suit, pulling your pants back up. Then he got out and you slid forward back into your seat and moved it back, doing the same for his. 

Once in again the ride back home was quiet, but no less affectionate. Your hand had found his, resting quietly in his lap, and your head was resting against his shoulder. The mood only lasted so far as the driveway. And once out, still hand-in-hand, you approached the door to the house. And once that was open it was all over.

“Welcome back!!” They were ready the second you were in and you were... considerably less ready. 

Even more so when Ross pointed at the both of you and said- “Aah I told you! They were off having sex!! Look at them!!” 

It earned him a punch in the arm and a furiously red stain on your face. Danny took you round the hips and leaned you to one side. “You telling me I can’t mack on my lady?!” This got a good laugh out of everyone, except you but... 

At least it was normal.  
Something you’d been craving for a very long while. So you could trade embarrassment in for knowing things were headed back on the right track. Well. You would, anyway, after you got a decent shot to Ross’ shoulder next. Fair was fair.


	10. The Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excitement and laughter is often infectious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To feel loss, one must feel attachment. As with the nature of this series...... it won't be pretty.

Most mornings, Danny’s singing- whether in the shower every so often belting out the good tunes, or murmur singing to himself while making coffee or working on something or other- called to you like a dulcet sweet siren’s song. He was always careful not to wake you up in the worst ways, and to be honest, that was probably the best way to go about it. But the past few days your mood had been devolving from bad to worse. And waking up with a headache pulsing to the rhythm of one of Danny’s shower-power-ballads made you feel an unknown tightening in your gut that you’d never really been privy to before. It wasn’t his fault, and somewhere in you you knew that. 

Your period had been late about a week- or was it two by now? You were honestly so bad at keeping track... so you had chocked it up to the fact that it was on its way. That was probably all to do with the mood swings and the cramps and the headaches and. Well. All of it. You’d be content as soon as it actually came and went, but until then... until then you had to pretend like the little mundane things that usually sweetened up your day weren’t actually causing you mental grief. 

“Hey sleepy thing.” Danny called to you, leaning out of the bathroom door, toweling his hair. 

“Mgh.” Some sort of wordless groan that would at least clue him in to your displeasure. Then rubbing at your eyes came next. 

He only spared a small laugh at your expense. “Want some coffee?” 

Usually the answer was yes. Yes you couldn’t wait for the fresh brew of the morning to sit in your cup, steaming right into your face and giving you new life. But today the thought of coffee sent your stomach twisting and half of whatever you ate last night renewing in your mouth. Your hand covered the exit before anything escaped and you shook your head. “No.” Only spoken once you were sure you could even handle speaking. 

“...you alright?” Almost-vomiting in bed didn’t really bode well for your physical well being. 

You shifted back down into the covers and pulled them overhead. “I just need to sleep.” Sleep it off. Wait for the damn thing to actually come. 

His silence was unsettling for more than one reason but soon he’d shuffled close enough to put the backs of his fingers against your forehead. Checking for a fever no doubt. Only after he found nothing, presumably anyway, “Do you want me to stay?” They were having one of their all-day sessions. Yesterday was the same, and tomorrow would be too. But at least they’d get enough footage so that they could take a small break in-between. 

“No. It’s fine. I’ll probably come in a few hours.” Staying at home without him held little point to it, even if you were feeling cruddy. And hopefully it’d pass. If you took enough pain killers that was a promise. 

“If you’re sure...” He wasn’t, clearly. But leaving you at home when you were possibly sick sounded like the worst idea in his book. “They’ll understand.” And they would, too. But that wasn’t what you were really preoccupied with. 

“It’s fine, Dan.” Grumbled out to him, and something that got his hand to jerk back.  
You rarely ever called him Dan. Kind of like a reverse-Arin. 

“Jeez grumpy pants. Alright.” With that he went to the dresser and started pulling clothes out.

The guilt swelled up after mere seconds. “M’sorry...” Lips half pressed around the covers as you poked your head out to look at him. “Just waiting for my cycle. It’s driving me nuts.” 

“Oooh...” Trailed off as he stepped into some jeans. “Well that explains EVERYTHING.” Especially the part where you’re being a bitch for no reason. Which his tone implied only in the nicest way. “It’s cool. You don’t have to come at all- if you want something on my way home just text me.” Some ridiculous fattening fast food or ice cream goodness, no doubt. It was sorely tempting. 

“Thanks.” Then, after thinking about it... “...Danny.” He only smiled in response to this before finishing putting his clothes on. The last thing you half-remembered was him planting a warm kiss to your forehead before the front door closed. Then you were in and out of sleep. Which was sort of nice.

Until the smell of burning coffee from the kitchen shook you awake with a gag-panic-reflex. You tumbled out of bed to rush towards the bubbling pot that Danny had probably left for you. Slamming the off button couldn’t have happened fast enough. And then in your attempt to pour it out into the sink, the bile came back out and you found yourself retching into the basin. 

Then, and only then, once you were finished emptying the contents of your stomach into the kitchen sink, did you fathom the thing you never wanted to think about. Was it possible? Sure. Likely? No... at least you thought not. But that was how you found yourself hurriedly putting on your clothes and getting to your car. And then sitting in the parking lot of the drug store for a solid ten minutes, drumming your fingers angrily on the steering wheel. 

That wasn’t what it was. It couldn’t be. So why waste twenty dollars? Then again.. if you took the test and it came up negative, which it would obviously, you could stop worrying about it. And knowing you, your nerves were never going to come down from the high they were currently at until you put it to rest. So you trudged into the store, picked out the least offensive and cheapest box, threw it on the counter, avoided the stares, got back into your car, drove home- 

And then sat angrily in the driveway for another full ten minutes.  
Why did you just waste that money? Why? Should you even bother? No. Of course not. 

...but the buzzing. The constant whirring in the back of your head.. you had to make it stop. So you got out of your car, protecting the contents of your new plastic bag with your shirt, as if someone was going to stop and take a picture, and then you locked the door behind you when you got in. Then you dragged yourself into the bathroom.  
Ripped open the box.  
Stared upsettingly at the stick and its stupid directions. The plus. The minus. ...the plastic cap that you then popped off.

And then you sat on the toilet, awkwardly holding the thing underneath you, waiting for the pee to come. But of course it wouldn’t. Now you were too anxious. So you just sat there. And sat there. And waited. Until finally the little tingles came and you felt the drips pour free. Right onto the stick and also your hand. For fun. Because why not? Why wouldn’t that happen? 

Once you were sure your bladder was completely evacuated you stuck the cap back on and threw it onto the counter. Then you washed your hands at least twice to make sure. Flushing the toilet came after. Then came the pacing.  
Staring at your phone.  
Wondering if you should text him. But why bother him with what was already nothing? No point.  
Ugh. 

More ugh. And then some more and a little more after that. You ended up sitting on the tiled floor of the bathroom, cross legged, staring at your phone. Half paying attention to a game of solitaire. Eventually you ended up staring at the wall. Waiting. ...waiting.. and then when the time was up you waited an extra minute. Just to be sure.

And then you weren’t sure that was enough. Because reading back at you was a happy little pink plus sign. The indication of pregnancy. The first immediate thought after not having waited enough was that that couldn’t be right. Google became your friend, checking up false-positive facts. And then you ultimately decided to take another test. The waiting game started anew once you squeezed out a little more pee, surprised that you even could. 

But then that game ended, too. And with the same way.  
Tiny little plus sign.

Pregnant.  
You were pregnant. 

At first you just sat on the floor holding both tests in your hands. Staring at them. Waiting to see if either might change. Hoping that would be the case. You had never planned for this. And Danny... what were you even going to say to him? Should you even say anything?  
What?  
Of course you should say something. You had to tell him. And you’re not sure where that thought came from. Maybe the place that wasn’t sure how he’d take it. 

When you sobered up from your shock your hands touched your belly everywhere. Cupping. Feeling. It was way, way too early to feel anything but... maybe you could. You weren’t sure. In the end your shock and stupor brought you back into the car. Another softer few minutes of unsure went by before you drove to the Grump Space. Your mind was pulled in about a thousand directions and when you got in you saw the two were in the middle of an episode- or close to the end. The timer readout was near ten minutes. 

Danny looked up while Arin was going on and on about something and shot you a questioning look and then mouthed something like ‘do you need me to pause’. So you just shook your head and mouthed back ‘it can wait’. He went back to playing after that and you stood by the office door. Once they quickly shouted their outro- as if being caught off guard by what would end up being the sound of the tv clicking off once the video went up, Danny turned around on the couch. “Do you-“

“Hey. Sorry. Can I just talk to you for a minute?” And then as if that wasn’t clear enough- “In private?” The small office behind you would do fine. Arin and Danny exchanged looks once before he hopped over the back of the couch and followed you in, closing the door behind him.

Really, you weren’t sure what to say. And you weren’t even looking at him. Instead your gaze was fixed to the floor and your hands held each other tightly. For a moment you almost thought you’d started speaking, but it wasn’t until he put a hand on your shoulder did you realize you were just screaming in your head. “What’s the matter? You look awful... I mean.. just in a not-good way, not that... you know what I mean.” You looked up at him and whatever was on your face seemed to spook him. “What happened? What’s the matter?” 

You were clearly giving the indication that whatever had happened in the couple of hours he’d left and you’d showed up something horrific had occurred. Maybe it had. “I don’t really know...” How were you going to do this? 

“Talk to me. It’s okay. Whatever it is...” Unsure if he should tread further into that. Anything could have happened. And he didn’t want to damn himself by saying he had the power to take it all away. “Just talk to me, ___.” Concerned. Always concerned. 

You’d already started shaking a little in your spot. Just blurt it out. Just... “Danny I’m pregnant.” Then you did it. And you regretted it immediately. You should have worded it more carefully. Should have let him in softly. Should have-

“Um- what?” Not that he didn’t get it. But the look on his face told you he was still processing. “...are you serious?” Stumbling in his words once before forcing out, “You’re sure?” 

The rapid-fire line of questioning made your insides squirm. He wasn’t happy. “Ye- ..yeah I took two tests. Look I don’t know-... if you don’t-“ What were you going to say? If he didn’t want a kid you’d what? Disappear? Get rid of it?    
You didn’t really know what you wanted to say. You just wanted him to stop looking at you like that. And you didn’t want to hurt him. Or force him to do something he really didn’t want to do. 

“Hey- shut up for a minute.” Suddenly he sounded very serious. Both his hands gripped your shoulders and he really got a good look at your face. “You’re serious?” Apparently double checking to make sure no one would put you up to something like this. All you found you could do was press your lips together and nod. Yes. Yes you were very serious. “Oh my fucking god.” 

And that was not the reaction you were looking for, either.  
Or expecting.

“Oh my fucking god!”  
And when he did it again you finally felt a little jump in your skin. He wasn’t prone to angry yelling. This didn’t sound like that. Instead it sounded like-  
“Oh my FUCKING god, ___!” His arms came around you in a very tight hug and in his enthusiasm he nearly picked you right up. When the trembles caught back up with you, mostly because you didn’t know what to do, you buried your face in the crook of his neck and reached up to wrap your arms around him. 

“Are you sure?” Was happiness the right response here? You weren’t entirely sure mostly driven from the fear you still felt coiled tightly in your chest.

“What the fuck do you mean am I sure!? Yes! Fucking jesus!” Babbling to you in the most excited fashion. 

The door of the office creaked open. “...we don’t mean to intrude but is everything okay?” Suzy was the one asking, but they were all suddenly standing there.

And what a sight. Danny positively screaming at that point- not to mention the fact that they could see you both through the window anyway. They’d all probably been watching the whole thing. “Yes- oh- fuck, can I? Can I?” Asking as he set you down. He was threatening to send you into positive jitters with his smile alone. But it felt much better than scared ones. 

“Yes?” Because what right did you have to deny him that. 

“We’re having a mother fucking baby!” 

A round of absolutely surprised gasps and ‘oh my gods’ followed suit and soon shoulder pats and hugs were being tossed around from every angle. Dan’s arm stayed strong around your shoulders after a few manly hugs between boys, almost as if he was scared you’d scurry away. ...and maybe you did have the idea. But once it all died down his attention was back on you.

“Can I say it? In the episode I mean?” 

This confused you, slightly. Sure his excitement might have been getting the better of him, but was that show-appropriate? “How many are you in so far?” Because it’d hit social media eventually. People were good at snooping when they wanted to. And if it dated an episode- it wasn’t the worst, but it wasn’t as exciting, either. 

“Just two. So- like- three days from now. ..but it’s totally your call. Say no if you want. I’m cool.” He very clearly wasn’t, leaning from one foot to the other still a tightly wrapped ball. It was sweet, really. “We were filming one-offs before you got here.” So at least there was that.

Three days.  
Could you let him tell the show? The fanbase? What would their reactions be? ...did it really matter? 

“I guess.” Breathed out as the energy of the situation was leaving you. All of a sudden you felt very, very tired. 

“Yes! Sweet. Awesome. Gonna do it RIGHT now!” The kiss he left you with before jumping back on the couch was kind and gentle. But he left you in a whirlwind and soon you were following him out to the other couch to the side. You just wanted to lie down for a while, and listening to the two of them talk over the game was an easy play to make.

“Welcome back to Twilight Princess- so Dan just got a little bit of news during the break.” Arin led him in, shouldering him. 

“MY BABY IS HAVING A BABY! YEAH!- oh. Shit. Sorry.” The audio spiked on the screen. Then he leaned into the microphone and deep-whispered, “I’m having a motherfucking baby.” He was grinning to himself trying not to lose it. “And if that just doesn’t fucking knock your motherfucking socks off I don’t even know-“ Then the giggles caught him, finally. 

“Dad-Avidan. Grumpy Dad.” Arin’s supply of nicknames cut short as Danny’s infectious laughter caught him, too. 

“It’s Not-So-Grumpy Dad you fuck, get it right. GOD.” Speaking in the middle of his snickering in that completely sarcastic tone of his. “You’d be Grumpy Dad. Whenever you fucking catch up.” 

“Oh is this a competition now?” 

“You wanna go at making babies? I’ll make so many babies your head’ll spin.” He leaned in again. “Because as we all know, Sexbang doesn’t stop the banging.” 

Then the giggling resumed between the two of them.  
And it never really stopped.


	11. The Second Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The unsure horizon.

Holding out was driving you absolutely insane. Far beyond insane. There was no bump. There was no anything. You’d gone to the doctor once and once had been enough. Enough to access how long you’d actually been pregnant for- which was too little time to do any actual tests (a mere four and a half weeks), but enough to simply know that you were. And also to prescribe you a bunch of pre-natal vitamins that you really didn’t want. They said not to check back in until at least the sixth week which you were currently in the middle of. And it was driving you crazy. But if you wasted more money on a visit that was inconclusive you’d throw something through the nearest wall. 

You could feel the itch in your soul. Danny parading around happily and making announcements positively everywhere was not helping your mental state. ...although maybe it did do you a little good to see him settling so happily into such a huge event of both your lives. This was going to change everything. And yet it still felt a little unreal. Sure. You’d taken the tests. Sure they’d been positive. Sure. The doctor had confirmed. And sure everyone that knew was congratulating you- (and sure, the internet was split on it about fifty-fifty)- but none of that mattered because you just didn’t feel anything. And as the mother, you had to ask yourself, shouldn’t you be the first one to feel something?

But there was nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not even any changes to your body. Or your mood. You couldn’t feel this baby inside of you. Nothing was changing. Nothing. You weren’t ready to shop for gender-neutral crappy baby clothing until you knew with your own sense that something was inside you. No one could tell you that but yourself- ...and. Well. And ultra-sound. One that you desperately wanted to access the validity of this situation, beyond doctors and tests. You needed to hear this baby. Because you couldn’t feel it. Couldn’t see it.  
...and that didn’t feel normal. What about all the maternal instinct? The mother’s knowledge? The connection you were supposed to be forming? 

Nothing. You felt nothing. Danny felt more about this god damn baby than you did.  
And- for another thing, “Did I not ask you to get me kiwis?” Without realizing the strength of your shove, the fridge door slammed with almost the breeziest of pushes. “I asked you when you went out earlier!” This seemed like such a reasonable request.

“What?” Danny’s head poked out of his office first before he lazily leaned in the frame of the door. “Oh. Shit. I totally forgot. I’m really sorry-“ 

“I just wanted one thing! Now I have to go out and get it myself!” You were halfway through the storm of grabbing a set of keys off the rack before realizing he was laughing at you. Because this was... funny somehow? “What!” It wasn’t funny. At all. 

He bent out of the doorway to wrap his arms around your hips despite your struggles and pull you in close. “Look at you little miss mood-swings.” Where you’d been squirming seconds ago, it all suddenly died. “And you’re so worried about nothing happening. Here you are bitching about kiwis.” He was half-giggling to himself. “Does that really seem normal to you?” His chuckles dipped a bit lower as he eyed you with a knowing grin. 

Hm.  
...maybe he was right. “Ah-“ He was totally right. “...sorry.” How embarrassing. 

“Food cravings and mood swings. You’re pregnant.” One hand came up to muss your hair with a few rubs, something you tried to duck away from but he simply would not let you go. “Oh you’re so totally pregnant it’s fucking unbelievable!” His tone sharpened into giddy amicability as he pulled you even closer into a tight hug. 

“You’re the woooorst.” Muffled into the front of his shirt as you hid your face. 

His hands traced small soothing patterns up the length of your back. “Oh. Believe me. I know. I mean, I forgot the kiwis. Worst. Boyfriend. EVER.” The laughter caught back up with him and his shaking transferred right over to you. 

“Ugh- stop!” Despite your pleas, you were now laughing too. He had that damnable ability to just get it out of you and everyone else around him when he wanted to. 

“Oh but how can I?! I fucking forgot your fruit! YOUR FRUIT!! GOD!!” It was only a few steps back to the nearest couch and soon he was a giggling mess underneath you as you occupied the space in his lap. “Will the lady ever forgive me?!” 

You pushed half-hard at his shoulders. “Not if you don’t shut up!” 

“THE FRUIT DEAR GOD THE FR-“ 

Clearly the only way at that point to make any of it stop was by force. So it was with a kiss that you finally got him to stop the ridiculousness that, despite its embarrassing nature, had actually quelled your mood swing and gotten you to laugh for the first time in days. He was still in the midst of one that came out as a warm noise between the two of you as his hands settled on your hips. 

Once it ebbed away you were too scared to lean back. Instead your forehead rested against his. “...I’m nervous.” The doctor’s appointment was in a few weeks. And even despite all this you still weren’t sure. What if there was no heartbeat? What if it was all wrong? 

His hands came up to cup your face. “About what? If you were any more pregnant you’d be whining about ice cream and pickles, I think.” His lips quirked up in that threatening way where a laugh was just about to come on but he controlled himself. One of his hands drifted down, lifting your shirt so that he could span his fingers over the length of your stomach. “There’s someone in there, trust me.”

“How do you know?” How could he have such faith? False positives came up all the time. You’d checked through just about every google result there could have possibly been to be an expert by now. And most other sites said with such sureness that the mother always knew. Especially by six god damn weeks in. 

“Besides the beautiful monster I now have lurking in my hallways?” A small snicker that he controlled justly- right around the time of your suddenly unamused look. “I see it on you.” You thought maybe he was talking about that gimmicky ‘pregnancy glow’ that you still had no idea what shape it took. But as he held your face in both his hands again and leaned closer, you rethought this idea. “You’re gonna be a mommy, ___.” The warmth that took hold of his tone was almost shaking. “Make peace with the idea now, ‘cause there’s no going back from here.” His smile enveloped your lips in another kiss that both relieved and annoyed you.

He was being vague, probably because he had no real way of knowing whether or not he was right. A feeling was just that and there was no good way to explain it- or explain it away, in your case. You couldn’t deny him what seemed to make him so happy. But inside you just weren’t sure. When the two of you parted again, you could think to ask only one thing- “And where does that leave you?” Despite the obviousness. His involvement. How ridiculously excited he was.... you couldn’t help but need the reassurance. Want it, even. 

And he pulled you down to lay in his lap rather than sit on it, legs off to the side of the couch and head on his shoulder, his arm around you. Something comforting was coming- “I guess it puts me in the precarious position of fetching you those terribly important KIWIS.”  
That, instead.. was almost as reassuring. Almost.


	12. The Third Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Build a bridge.

It’d be too early to know the sex, that you went into the test knowing. The only thing this was going to do was... well.. everything else. It would finally confirm or deny what you’d been simply not feeling, and what Danny was definitely feeling. It’d show whatever little thing was lurking. And maybe, if you were lucky, you’d walk out of the office that day with some sort of definitive knowledge. You needed it. You needed to know. Eleven weeks was enough waiting.

Yet despite the resounding confidence with which you walked in, once you were in a thin papery dress and lying back on the chair with your legs half up, you started shaking. What ifs- so many what ifs- all running around angrily a million miles a minute in your head. So many things could be wrong. What if that connection came at a cost? What if something was wrong with it? What if that was the reason you couldn’t and didn’t feel much of anything for this baby? What if it was deformed? Not growing right? What if they had to scoop it out of you because-

“Hey,” Danny’s reassuring whispery tone floated into the realm of your notice and finally pulled you back. “You gotta calm down.” He was standing next to you, but had only seconds ago just been snooping around the cabinets while no one was there to tell him any differently. His hand took yours, bringing it up to his lips so he could run them over your knuckles. “It’s gonna be fine.” 

The was a strong urge to give him the ‘how in the hell would you know’ speech but he’d been through enough already. ...and that was barely even just the beginning. There was going to be so much more to do, to look forward to, if this day went right. If this scan came out the way it was supposed to so much more time had to be put into all of this. Nine months- well, less. Eight? Something like that. “If you say so.” Was the only thing you could settle on. It turned his smile into a frown quicker than you would have thought.

He’d been pretty jovial about everything up until now- it was in his nature. But maybe, just maybe, he was a little nervous too. But he couldn’t let himself seem that way because you were already a crazed ball of anxiety. He was still fighting for you. Wasn’t he always? 

“Well, I think you’ve done enough waiting.” The doctor came in and closed the door behind herself, sitting down at the machine and flipping on the screen. “Oh, is it chilly outside?” Grinning a little to her clearly superb joke at Dan’s expense- wearing a scarf and a moderate jacket. Danny was used to it by now, smiling at her, but with the mood you were in you simply could not resist the eye roll. “Shall we take a look?” 

This wasn’t really a question. That was what you’d booked the appointment for. Of course you could say no and get dressed and leave but what was the point of that? “Yeah. I guess.” Breathing out after saying so. Your nerves were being pulled taut across what felt like the entire span of the earth. About to snap. Before that happened you needed to get this over with. So you pulled the hospital gown aside for her. 

Without waiting even a second she squirted some semi-transparent blue gel right across your stomach. It was freezing and she didn’t even do anything but give you another one of those trained-doctor-grins. Then she flipped a few more switches after smearing the gel all over. “Alright let’s take a look see...” The wand came down. 

You held your breath.  
For a long while it felt like nothing was happening. You knew you weren’t going to be able to feel the waves she was pulsing, but you had thought you were get something. Anything. On the screen there were vivid flashes, but when it finally settled it... didn’t look like much of anything. 

“Well now, I see a very healthy little baby lump in there.” She said it with such a confidence that it kind of floored you. Mostly because... well. You couldn’t see anything. Danny was half leaning over towards the screen and judging by the tilt of his head he couldn’t see it either. “Yeah, see, here,” She started motioning her fingers over a little round, very tiny, moving lump. The more you looked the more you could convince yourself- yes.. a head, maybe? Hm...

And maybe this cleared up some of why you felt nothing. It was nothing. Was that even a baby? Could it be? 

“Do you want to hear it?” Seeing it wasn’t going to be enough. Part of you knew that. 

“Yes. Please.” Danny’s tone had suddenly taken on a tightness that was very rare. He was stressed. He’d been hiding it so well up until this point. Taking everything in stride for you to keep your own stress down. But now you could see it, could hear it. 

“Heh- well- what about the mother?” Because clearly she hadn’t been asking him. As if he had no rights to this situation at all. Which was a little more than ridiculous. 

“Yes.” The word was just as tight out of your mouth. But the doctor took it rather well, probably used to this sort of behavior. 

A few more switches were flipped, and even though it had nothing to do with being able to see this little lump- you closed eyes tight. The noise that filled the room was like nothing you were familiar with- or perhaps it just wasn’t quite what you were expecting. Like a small little pulsing whir. Quick. Quicker than you thought it would be. Then you opened your eyes and watched the sound spike on the screen. It was a beat.

That was your baby’s heartbeat.   
And finally. Maybe. Just a little... 

The breath left you and before you realized it the distinct feeling of salty stinging tears invaded your lashes. “Oh-h don’t cry-“ You looked up to see much the same look on Danny’s face. Watery eyes. Lips pressed together.

“You talking to me or yourself?” Asked as the floodgates finally released in a wash of relief. 

“Fuck- me I guess.” He swiped his hand across his cheeks where some tears had already streaked downwards. The both of you shared a laugh and he squeezed your hand.

“Now that’s the reaction I love.” The doctor left the machine on only for a few seconds longer before everything went dark as she removed the wand. “Take your time. We’ll have prints for you at the front, if you want?” 

“Yes. Yes we want.” Danny seemed the one doing all the talking, but that was just fine. If you tried you’d probably let out more than you wanted. And if he kept himself talking he’d keep from falling further. The woman nodded and scooted her way out of the room. Then Danny handed you a towel to wipe the goop off your stomach. “I didn’t really notice your little bump until just now.”

That was fair enough, you’d been hiding behind flowery shirts and hoodies ever since you first found out. Almost as if covering it up made it that much easier to deny- which was what you were coming to realize was what you’d been doing. The no-connection had just been your way of trying to make it through. But now you felt it. For sure. And it was heavy. “What are you trying to say?” You sat up and reached for your shirt so that you could put it back on and get back into your pants and shoes. 

Once you stood he took you around the waist. “I’m saying I’ve got one hot little mamma.” That most certainly wasn’t what he’d been saying but... it was a very Danny-esque fix. 

“Didn’t know you were into pregnant chicks.” But this was better than emotional blubbering. Something that you still felt squirming deep in your depths. It was threatening to overtake you with every second, so giving into his antics was just a better solution. 

“Totally wasn’t- until you went and got yourself knocked up.” The giggle that left him started on the last word. When he said things like this you could just see in his eyes that he never knew if he was in trouble or not- but that it was worth it in the end. 

His arm stayed around your shoulder as you both exited the room. “Oh well I’ll just have to be more careful next time. God damn.” He wasn’t really blaming you and you knew that. 

“Why bother? Let’s have like. Ten more. Twenty! I demand twenty babies!” Every head in the waiting room turned your way. There was no shade red enough to describe the embarrassment and heat you felt on your face.

And yet he was laughing away like an idiot. Typical. “Come on already.” 

“Oh don’t you start grumping out on me lady.” Poking your ribs as he picked up the packet waiting for the both of you at the front desk and signing a few quick papers. 

“I won’t if you hurry up.” Stressing the last two words as you pulled his arm. He waved apologetically at the hospital staff before allowing himself to be tugged off by you. “I want something to eat.” 

“More kiwis?” This would be the new running joke for quite some time. “I mean I bought out the entire store last time but I GUESS I could see if they got more in...” 

Once at the car you stopped at your door, stepping back against it and wrapping your arms around his neck. He leaned in but not too close, apparently now too scared of the bump he was just made aware of. “I need some gross food. Burgers or something.” 

“Twenty burgers! She demands it!” 

His hands cupped your hips and the laugh that was smothered between the two of you as you kissed was nothing short of affectionate. When he broke back you didn’t let him go too far. “I love you.” There wasn’t a part of you that had doubts about this. And you weren’t sure you would have even had the strength to go through with this without him. His support. His enthusiasm. His dumb jokes at your expense. 

“Oh. Good. That’ll make the raising a kid thing a little easier.” He kissed you again after being so silly and then rubbed his nose against yours. “I love you, too.” His tone sweetened as your eyes locked with his. “Now...” Taking you away from the car door so that he could open it for you. “Let’s see a guy about some burgers.” 

“Yes, please.” The rumbling in your stomach did, in fact, demand burgers.


	13. The Fourth Rose

The pain was intense.  
And you couldn’t... couldn’t remember how you’d ended up there. The lights white and hot blaring down at you, making you sweat and writhe all the more. Danny had your hand in his, holding. Squeezing. His mouth was moving as you looked up at him, but you couldn’t hear anything. It was silent. Everything was silent. -no. Something was- screaming.

Oh.  
It was you. You were screaming. Loud wailing shrieks were leaving your throat as the pain reverberated from your core all the way up your spine. The baby was coming. You were delivering. And no amount of classes or preparation helped. It hurt. It felt like you were being torn apart. Like dying. If you had any idea what that felt like. Suddenly you found yourself crying out for him. The man who had put you through and helped you with all of this.

He felt so far away, even he was right there. Urging you on. Just a little more. Harder. Push. Go. You can do it...  
His voice filtered in and out. The more you tried to focus on him the less pain you felt. Soon all you could do was zero in on his face. His worried smile. The feel of his hands on your face as he tried to make it all go away. And then the moment passed. Everything stopped. It all went away.

Your head hit back against hospital bed, your chest heaved with uneasy panting. And then the sound of silence surrounded you again. But Danny was unmoving. The doctors around you weren’t speaking. This was actual silence. And when you looked up, you saw the small bloody mass in their hands. Unmoving. Quiet.  
Still.

Dead.  
Your baby- Danny’s baby- was- 

“No-“ This wasn’t your voice. It was his. Shaking and terrified. The wide look in his eyes was horrified. “No! NO! NO!!” 

The break of reality came as you sat up straight in bed, clutching the covers to you, dizzy. Heaving air in and out of your lungs. “Hey, hey- c’mere-“ Danny’s actual voice came from beside you and only seconds passed before you leaned in closer as he put his arms around you. Then you were holding tight to him, gripping his bare shoulders and almost immediately devolving into tears. “It’s alright. Shh...” Cooing to you, running his hands through your hair. 

The nightmares had become more frequent approaching the five month hurdle. There was little you could do to stop them. No amount of fresh water, no amount of correct hours of sleep, no good food- nothing stopped them. This one was a reoccurring barrage. You’d woken up screaming more times than you could count on one hand now. Danny had become a pro in dealing with it. Hushing and rocking you until most of the sobbing subsided. The doctors had said it was just the weird influx of hormones causing it- like everything else. 

Pregnancy, you were learning, was the absolute worst. His hands took yours away from his chest so that he could press them against your firm baby bump. “There she is... right there...” Though you hadn’t gotten another ultra-sound to determine gender just yet, Danny had quickly started calling the growing child inside of you a girl.  
His little girl.  
His two girls. 

His fingers spanned wide over yours, trying to persuade you down from your stress induced dream. He was right, too. The baby was still there. Squirming a little now that you’d probably startled her with your nightmare. Danny sat away from you so that he could settle his face against your stomach, listening. “Don’t worry baby girl,” He’d also quickly become a fan of singing to your belly. But... in some strange way, if the baby could hear it and was listening, it always seemed to settle her.  
It- you reminded yourself. You didn’t know it was a girl any more than he did. ...but it was hard not to call it a her after so much coaxing. “The world is still quiet outside, go back to sleep...” His little lullabies always had a habit of making you feel better, too. 

Your once trembling hand, now quieted, smoothed back his bangs and ran through the length of his wild hair. “You should sing yourself back to sleep, too.” His schedule was beyond stressful, no matter how hard he tried to hide it from you. He was working so hard to make sure you had everything, and still wrestling with the bands and the show. 

“Only if you’re going.” He wouldn’t leave you after an episode. His hands touched your face before he lowered his lips to every inch of your skin he could reach. Your neck, your shoulders, your cheeks- 

“I can’t.” Now that you were awake there was no going back to sleep. “But you really need to sleep-“ It was getting hard to convince him as his lips kept running against you, a pleased hum escaping you. “Danny,” You tried to force his name out to get him to stop. When he finally did you offered him only a frown. “You’re gonna burn out if you keep this up.” 

The last place he kissed was your forehead before he sat back entirely. “Nah. I’m good.” His dazed smile was less than convincing. ...no matter how handsome it was. “Besides, four more months then I can-...not sleep for a couple more years.” 

“Danny...” You tried not to whine with him but it was entirely too hard not to. He wasn’t making a very compelling argument. If anything, he was just telling you how far he’d already fallen at your expense. 

“___.” He whined your name back. “Alright- four more months and then you can not sleep for the next year. A fair compromise, I think.” His arm came around your shoulder, pulling you back down to lie with him in bed. 

Despite not feeling like you could fall back asleep you snuggled up to him. “Four more months...” You murmured, just thinking about it. Touching your belly. This had become a habit you couldn’t break. Every other moment your hands were resting against the bump. But he had a point. Four more months and then you’d have no more bump.  
You’d only have a baby.  
A tiny, little, loud, crying, wriggling, beautiful baby. 

“Mm..” His head came down atop yours and you could hear him slipping into unconsciousness. “Counting the days.. can’t wait...” And just like that he was back out. Even though you weren’t ready to go back to sleep, you couldn’t find it in yourself to move and wake him up. So you cuddled up a little closer and laid there for as long as you could keep your eyes open. Then you, too, fell back asleep. And this time, thankfully, it was peaceful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think, honestly, at this point I might break the story up into a bad end which will stay here, and a good end which I might just migrate to a different fic. I think I just can't help myself. They gotta have the kid in at least one universe...


	14. The Fifth Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ups and downs.

“If she’s not on the right side this time she’s grounded as soon as she comes out. I swear.” Danny was busy yammering on to himself while driving you to the next doctor’s appointment. You were mostly tuning in and out while shifting around in the seat of the car. Your joints had been flaring up all day and your mood had dipped at an all time low. The last time you’d went to see the gender and your baby’s hands had kind of just been in the way. It was excruciating- especially being told you’d have to reschedule if you really wanted to know- and that, even then, the baby still might not have been cooperating. And there was nothing you could do if that was the case.

It didn’t really even seem to matter whatever the gender would be regardless- Six months in now and Danny was firmly settled on little baby girl. ...but maybe that was why it was important to confirm or bust. If he got a boy it wasn’t likely much would change, but at least knowing would sooth his nerves. It seemed like the closer you got the itchier he became. Which was fair. He was about to be a father, just as you were a mother. Really, if he were completely unaffected, that would be worse.

“Stop threatening,” You settled on finally as you tucked one leg up underneath you- even though that didn’t really alleviate the pain either. “She kicks every time you do.” And he’d pulled you down the gender path as well so much so that you barely even realized. She responded more to Danny’s voice than yours, but that may have been because he was talking or singing to her every other minute. If there was any voice she’d recognize straight out of the womb it was going to be his.

Yes, for sure you could feel her wriggling around in there. One of his hands left the wheel so that he could put it widely over the large bump that had become your belly. “Is that right little girl? Well you’d better be sitting with your legs apart in there!” A firm thump back assured him that not only was she listening, but perhaps that she was just a sassy little fighter. “-...and that is THE ONLY time I’ll ever say that again!” Realizing how ridiculous the things that came out of his mouth were only after they were already out was pretty much his forte at this point. His hand moved up to your shoulder. “And what about you? How you feeling?” In all this time, Danny had made sure to keep an eye on both of you- and not simply because you were a baby-carrier. The opposite. He’d never made you feel like you were just walking around waiting to deliver the goods.

“Stressed is the wrong answer, isn’t it?” The only thing that had become a constant mantra repeated at you over and over was ‘don’t stress, it’s bad for the baby’. But life wasn’t ever that simple.

“It’ll be okay.” He gave your shoulder a little squeeze and directed a small smile at you. “And if she’s playing along this time we can actually go shopping.” Just some small things. Clothing would be really nice, and you’d seen some fuzzy blankets- and the car carrier... a crib.. the bottle set... “-pick you up some of those greasy burgers you’re not allowed to have.” He’d been talking in the middle of your thinking but the words about food brought you right back.

“Twenty.” Good god you were hungry.

The promise of bad food carried you through the rest of the achy car ride, into the waiting room, through dotting the i’s and crossing the t’s, and onto the table in the doctor’s room. There you settled back and Danny pulled up a chair alongside you. When she came in, so very little was passed overhead, and you just weren’t in the mood for talking. Just mostly mumbling from Danny, answering questions about how things had been. Keeping quiet was the only way to not stress. Think about something else.  
Anything else.

You pulled your shirt up for her, the goop went on and it started. “Oh, looks like baby’s got its ankles crossed...” Again. And you’d sat there for a half hour before to no avail last time. You weren’t sure you could do it again. “It really doesn’t want you to know...” Maybe it was better being a surprise. Maybe there just was no point. Your pessimism was winning out again. The doctor pushed down a little harder to try and get the kid to move a little. “Hmm... is it a big responder to noise?”

The look you gave Danny, half pleading and half just-get-it-over-with, was enough to get him to scoot up closer, his face inches away from your stomach. “Hey little baby in there can you show us what’s under your underwear-“

There was absolutely no holding back your laughter- especially with the look the doctor was suddenly wearing. But maybe it was a mixture of Danny’s ridiculous song and your giggles that got the baby to move around. Quite a lot. “Oh- well at least that’s a reaction!” Even in seeing this same doctor a few times now, she still was not accustomed to both your antics. The wand was traced over a few more times. “Hm.. I think we have a girl on our hands but I still want to check.. a little more...”

“I mean we’d see a wiener if it was a dude, right?” Danny asking the most obvious thing.

“Generally, yes, that’s how it works!” The doctor’s tone was somewhere between disbelief and sarcasm. She pressed the wand over a little harder. “Yes, I think I can say for sure you have a little girl on your hands.”

“Woo! Who knew? This guy knew!” Danny was just a little too ecstatic about this. “Aw yeah, baby girl baby girl-“

“And let’s just check up on that heart beat.” The doctor moved right alongside Danny’s celebrating. Once the switch was flipped the weird sound of that quick beat filled the room and it shut him right up. “Good, good.. everything seems very good. Progressing at a healthy rate.” The wand finally slid off and she got you a towel. Then she started scribbling away on her notepad. “How are those nightmares? Still getting them?”

After wiping off as much of that gunk as you could you sat forward. “On and off.”

“And how are your stress levels?”

“Significantly lower now, I think.” Now that you didn’t have to worry about this one thing anymore. This thing that really hadn’t been bothering you but... you always felt the fringe of anxiety creeping back in every now and again. It wasn’t good- and you didn’t know how to stop it. Worse yet, you didn’t know what was causing it. ...so was it really worth talking about?

“Good.” She tapped her pen on her pad. “Is there anything else I can help you with for now?”

If you wanted to talk about it now would be a good time. Yet with Danny standing there... “We’re good.” It was nothing. All women experienced some doubts about their pregnancies. Worries. It was completely normal. Google had told you so. And there was no reason to get Danny wound up when he already had so much on his plate.

“Well alright then. I’ll schedule a new appointment for.. let’s say two months. Okay? You can finalize with my receptionist.” With that she waved, mostly at Danny who was waving back, and left the room.

Slowly you wiggled your way off the table to stand on your feet. “Still up for shopping?” Clearly he wanted to go, but if you said no he’d take you home. Honestly... you didn’t really want to.

But after this and all his patience you couldn’t think to deny him. “Alright but don’t go overboard. She’s just gonna outgrow most of it.” Because getting a crib or anything else would have to be a different day. Too much hauling stuff around. You’d have to enlist the help of the others for when that came. But looking at some little clothes and blankets... that was harmless. “Also I want my food.”

“Yes ma’am. Don’t you worry. Mall burgers are right around the corner.”

And they were. Almost quite literally. The hospital wasn’t too far from the mall, which you’d never really put a lot of thought into until you were on your way there. But once inside, it was quieter than usual. Early afternoon weekdays were always good for that- and just what you needed. Walking around almost always helped your joints feel better and it served to quiet little-miss’ movements.

“Oh god...” Danny was having almost too much of a good time sifting through onesies that would fit a newborn. The maternity store had a lot more too offer but... “This one has cats on it!”

You were half paying attention. It didn’t really matter what the little girl was dressed in as soon as she came out. She would eventually- and almost too quickly- grow right out of it. Instead your eyes were a little more preoccupied with maternity lingerie. Something you also hadn’t put much thought to until the minute you were facing it. Lacy things- big enough to fit into.  
Would you look good in something like that?  
Could you even?  
Without realizing it your hands had started to cup your belly.

“Hey- you okay?” He put the clothes down to come right over to you. Silence and touching your very pregnant stomach didn’t seem like a good signal. But when you didn’t answer immediately he followed your line of sight. And then things got worse. “Oh.” His arm wound around your waist and pulled you in. “Feeling frisky?”

“Danny don’t-“ You hadn’t felt the need for sex. ...at least you’d told yourself so. As soon as your stomach had gotten what you had deemed ‘too big’ you put sexual interest on the back burner. And you weren’t really sure for whose sake. You almost felt like making Danny have sex with you would be... well. Just that.  
Making him do it.  
You couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to do it with someone so pregnant.

His free hand cupped the side of your face. “What? You wanna dress up in something silky with lace? Go for it.”

“Stooop...” Whining at him. Because he was almost convincing you. A little. A tiny bit. And you weren’t really sure how to feel about that. “You don’t want to do it with- eugh- this.” Motioning to roughly the entire length of your body, but mostly your stomach.

“Who says?” With that charming little grin of his. “You says? I don’t says.” Chuckling a little to himself as he saw what was softening you up working. His lips met yours, something soft and sweet. “You wanna do it babe, we can do it. I’ll have to adjust the usual maximum banging-roughness but that is a hit I am willing to take for the team.” Then he tilted your head up, a drag of his lips across the shell of your ear. “I will make sweet, gentle love to you all night long if that’s what you want.”

That was almost too hard to resist. And he knew it. And damn him for it. Despite everything that had happened- and with a baby inside of you no less- he still knew how to play the game. Wanted to, even. It was the worst. You drew your bottom lip in-between your teeth. Denying him was utterly too hard now. Especially with your hormones flaring right the hell up. “Which one?” Which big lacy garment would you wear for him and embarrass yourself in?

His hands left you and he stepped away to actually start inspecting the rack. Some women were looking over, but you had to imagine it was with sheer jealousy. Why wouldn’t they be. “This one.” He was holding a black night gown that had a sheer parted middle. Red fluffy feathers along the tops of the cups. Typical. The panties that came with it were also black. Also sheer. With a little red lace bow on the front. So. Very. Typical. Then he came back over and held it up to you. “Definitely this one.”

So you grabbed it out of his hands. “Alright. Fine. Now can we please go back to shopping for our child. Please??”

“Yes- AND- first order of business. Cat onesie. We are getting it. I will not take no for an answer!” His gears had switched so quickly, but it was something you were glad for. He also decided on a few more, all with animal patterns, and a wooly soft blanket. Blue with stars. He carried the bags out of the store because you just weren’t allowed to.

That was fine. Because the next order of business was one huge disgusting bacon cheeseburger from one of the places in the food court. And god damn was it good. It felt like you’d waited your whole life to eat something like that. Mostly because the diet you tried to stay on for the baby’s sake was full of stuff you hated. Good food. Healthy food. Ugh. But one burger wouldn’t hurt her.

“Did you want me to order nineteen more?” Danny asked with a cheeky smile, fries in hand.

“I’m still thinking about it.” You weren’t. One was good enough. But stealing some of his fries out of the box had its merits too. More food you weren’t allowed to have.

“Yanno, if the doctor found out I let you eat this crap she’d call me a bad boyfriend.” Munching down the last of the fries in his hand.

“Well she doesn’t know shit because I needed this.” And you deserved it, too. Working so hard. One burger was not the end of the world.

“I can see that.” His giggle was the beginning of something embarrassing as he leaned over to wipe his thumb across the corner of your lip. Smudged ketchup. It immediately went into his mouth afterwards. You didn’t remember eating like a pig, but now that you thought about it, that burger had disappeared in roughly five minutes. God the things Dan had to put up with... “C’mon. Ready to go?”

A nod from you was all it took. Yes. You wanted to go home and sleep off all that grease that had just been poured down your gullet. ...and maybe try on your lingerie in a few hours. Danny got up to take the trays to the garbage and you shifted forward quickly enough to spring to your feet. Getting up was so hard sometimes it was unbelievable.

That thought was about the last one you had as a swirl of dizziness gripped your head with a relentless pain.  
Fireflies.  
You saw fireflies up ahead. But they were gone every time unless you looked higher. The swirls of color evaded your direct line- just up above. And soon the gravity of the earth pulled you to a swaying heap on the floor. Some part of you recognized it- you reached out for the chair, pushing it back with a hard swipe of plastic against the floor. But then you went down.

“__-“ Bits and pieces of your name filtered through your consciousness. To the tune of Danny’s panicked voice. “___!” When you managed to blink open your eyes, his face wasn’t immediately all there. It was fuzzy and a little grainy, so you blinked a few times more. Saw that his mouth was moving but you couldn’t quite hear him. The sound of the words leaking out of his mouth washed in and then out like the tide. “you can- look at- are you-“ His words were picking up pace the longer you stared at him without response.

So you did the only thing you could think of. Which was to reach up to plaster your hand right across his mouth. “Shh..” That you heard. Right from your mouth, a slithery soft sound. His eyes were wet, eyebrows knit together, but underneath your palm his lips had stopped moving. “I’m fine, I’m okay.”

You didn’t feel any immediate pain- even when you focused on your stomach, you couldn’t sense that anything was wrong. “You just fucking fell over, don’t tell me you’re okay.” Danny’s muffled words protruded through your hand. So you dropped it back to your side.

“I’m okay- really- I think I just stood up too quick.” Rush of the blood took you out. Carrying a baby meant that was much easier to do. More circulation going on. Less time to get it all where it needed to go. The wholeness of the situation finally came in. Danny had you propped up in his lap, arm around your shoulders, one hand holding yours. So with yours in his, you took it to your stomach. “She’s fine.” Because while he was, of course, worried about your health, there was that to consider too. And when his eyes left yours to go right to your stomach-

“You’re sure?” He was searching with the long span of his fingers. Feeling. Making sure. But it was harder for him. Where you felt her on the inside, he could only feel the ghosts of her movement. He had had such a strong connection with her, so it seemed. When he sang she squirmed along. She always paid attention to his voice. He’d known she was a she even before you had- and yet... you were realizing he was still sitting outside this. He’d never have, couldn’t have, what you did. And hearing the trembling timbre of his voice, you realized just how frightened he was simply because he didn’t have that. But he tried so hard.

You reached up with both your arms, hugging him tightly. Playing nonchalant was difficult. Sure you’d just fainted from what was most likely standing up too quick but- that was terrifying, too. “I’m sorry.” The tears sprung forward before you could stop them. Pregnancy had been a little too hard for you emotionally.

“It’s okay,” He held you tightly, arms encompassing all of you, drawing you in to his body. “We just gotta be more careful.” His words were muffled somewhere between your shoulder as he started rocking you gently. It cooled your nerves a little. “It’s okay...” A little lingering in his words as he tried to console you.  
Three more months, you told yourself.  
Three more months and it was over. You could make it until then. Right?


	15. The Sixth Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're free.

Doctor’s surrounded you. Faceless- no. Shadows covered their eyes and they were wearing green masks. Staring down. Working. Cutting into you. There was no pain this time. You could feel it- strangely- but not feel the pain. Feel surgical scissors digging into your flesh. Rending it. Pulling it open. But there was nothing more than that. They were pulling you apart. Reaching inside of you. The baby... she couldn’t come out. Your body hadn’t made it possible. So now they had numbed you, since putting you out was too dangerous.  
Cutting.  
So much cutting.  
So much blood. 

And then they pulled out a small, lifeless body. Passed it around. As if inspecting it. Looking at your good work. Then they handed it to Danny, who was suddenly standing there. He looked down on it. Disappointment covered his face before his eyes turned to you. And in them there was only one question- why would you do this?   
Why?  
He handed the baby down to you. Its body was small. Twisted. Shriveled. The little pink mouth half open as if it could start screaming any second. The eyes were shut tight. As if in pain. But there was nothing. None of it. Because it was dead.  
Why  
Why would you do this?

And then. Then it did move. The mouth opened wider and an unimaginable high pitched shriek came ripping from its throat. 

This time when you woke up from your nightmare you weren’t screaming. Your eyes simply flew open and you clutched the covers to yourself. It was the first time that you hadn’t also woken Danny up in your panic. Instead you sat up slowly, hands cupping your stomach. Feeling. Investigating. Then you looked over to him. Snoring and dead asleep. Though you wanted him- needed him to get up. Put his arms around you. Sing you a little lullaby about how the baby girl was alright... you couldn’t do it.

So instead you carefully shifted the covers off and got out of bed. Not a sound. Not a sound... the triumph you felt as you went to the kitchen was short lived. There were a few pangs of.. something. Pain. But it felt like hunger pain. You’d only picked at dinner, to Danny’s dismay. But after passing out on the mall floor your mood simply wasn’t elevated enough to do more than just exist. Eating this late was bad- for both you and the baby. But something small wouldn’t hurt.

You settled on an apple, pulling it from the crisper drawer of the fridge and setting it onto the counter. Maybe wedges with peanut butter. You could sit and watch some infomercials. It was too late at night to do much else. Thoughts of the fireflies surrounding the top of your vision earlier in the day took your primary focus.  
And then it was the nightmare. That baby’s face- your baby.. dead. Bloody. Tiny and shriveled. 

The knife sliced right through your palm.   
It wasn’t the pain that got you first. Instead you zoned out on it. Raising the hand to your face. Looking at it- thinking that almost this must be a dream too. There was a lot of blood. You’d cut deep. Then the stinging pain came, and seconds after stinging was burning. To stem the flow so that it wouldn’t drip to the floor you did the only thing you could think. You put it up against your mouth.

The metallic tang plucked the strings in your stomach. Bile rose into the back of your throat, fiery and sour. You almost didn’t have enough time to dump the plastic bag on the counter out onto the floor. Your baby’s clothes fell to a heap on the kitchen tile and then you sunk to the floor, expelling every part of dinner you’d managed to put down- and whatever part of that fucking greasy burger hadn’t been digested. You didn’t really realize the noises you were making.  
Crying.  
Heaving and crying and partially groaning. 

Danny’s heavy and quick footfalls came out of the bedroom and slammed to a stop when he saw what awaited him.   
You were heavy on the floor, retching into a plastic bag. Baby clothes were strewn around. There was blood. Everywhere. 

“Where- where is that from?” Panic took hold of him before anything else. You realized why. He was thinking you were about to lose the baby. In the middle of a blessedly dry-heave this time you held out your palm to show him the deep gash down the middle. “Jesus christ- just- fucking-“ He walked away to get the first aid kit from the bathroom. 

When he came back you’d finished emptying the contents of your stomach, just laying back against the cabinets, eyes closed. You hadn’t even noticed him coming back in until he was kneeling and pulling at your hand to bandage it up. 

Jesus christ.  
Just.  
Fucking. 

Just fucking what?   
You couldn’t even look at him. You were too scared that he’d be wearing that face you saw too often in your dreams. Why. Why did you do that? Why are you doing this?   
And that was a very good question. Why were you doing this to him? What had he done to deserve it? 

You pulled your hand hard out of his so that you could put both of them to your face. And then the weeping started. Deep and guttural and painful. When he tried to put an arm around you you shrugged him off hard. Words came out but they didn’t register in your brain. It was just crying and unintelligible sobbing. 

“___...” He sat there on the floor, arms still frozen in place where he’d tried to reach out for you. Not knowing what to do. He had no idea. He’d been sleeping soundly and then all of a sudden you were screaming in the kitchen. And now he couldn’t even touch you without a violent reaction. 

“I- can’t-“ You were starting to hyper ventilate, the air not making it in fast enough between your crying. 

“Can’t what?” His tone was gentle and unassuming. 

“I- can’t- do- this-“ Your hands waved wildly in the air. “Fucking this!” It was too much for you. Too taxing. Too frightening. Too stressful. 

He frowned deeply. Unable to help himself he reached out but stopped midair, not wanting to rile you up even more. But it hurt him not to be able to put his arms around you. Hurt him more than you would ever be able to understand. “You’re almost there, babe... you’ve been so good.” Struggling to find the right words. “Tell me what I can do-“ He needed to be able to do something for you. Anything. Anything to alleviate your pain.

But all you pushed out was- “You can’t do anything!” Through your tears you saw him close his eyes tight, press his lips together with a shake of his head. Like you’d punched him in the gut. You hadn’t meant it how it sounded. “I’m-mmf- Danny...” You were sorry. You were probably the sorriest you’d ever been. That you could ever be. And when you reached out for him he opened his arms automatically for you, sitting back so that he could take you in his lap. Hold you tightly. Rest his head atop yours and rock you slowly. You drew a shuddering breath in as a tight pain wrapped your stomach.

This was too much.   
“Calm down. Take a breath.” He didn’t even need to hear you say what you were feeling to know what was happening. “I need you to just breathe for me, ___.” His words were tight and strong. Enunciating each one carefully. 

He helped you, murmuring ‘in’s and ‘outs’ directly into your ear a few time until you caught the pace. Your blubbering died down soon after and you just concentrated on your breathing. The pain eventually subsided into a quiet nothingness.   
And once that happened it was like it took everything with it.   
The crying stopped. The pain stopped. The feeling stopped.   
Everything. 

When Danny looked at you after standing up, when he offered a hand to your shoulder, another hug. A snuggle back in bed, there was nothing.   
Just simple nothing.  
There was a peacefulness in it. And if you were going to make it this was how. And if Danny was going to keep his sanity, this was how. So you let it consume you. You laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. Basking in the nothingness.


End file.
